100

I cannot think of a better way to have 100 days of No Contact enacted within my life than this.

And I think many others who have achieved even less than 100 days of no contact will understand this feeling…or lack thereof.

I woke up this morning…bored.

How did that happen?

Why did it happen?

My usual routine is awaken, make tea, journal, plan..proceed to prepare for the next steps in my day.

But today I am bored..the routine held for many years is gone…

Okay weird..

Yet really cool..

No raw emotions that suggest how my mood may be for the day. Or how many times I have to say affirmations or anything to battle something that is bubbling up inside of me..

Gone..bored..

And isnt this lovely..WOW.

My whole world has turned around. It has done a 360…

My heart beat is steady..no nervous..no planning for an oops..nothing except pure calm.

Spend a lifetime of panic, waiting for the explosion, cleaning up another person’s messes..umm many peoples messes..

Peace..

I feel like when you say something to a dog and they tilt their head sideways and have that look of what…?

I have that euphoria that dogs I have had, as they spin around your legs…and chanting to you..lets go run, throw the stick, lets explore..lets go lets go..bliss.

I think..what was I bothered about..?

I think why would I even care..?

Why did I ever feel or try to get a meat suit..to like me or what I was doing, who cannot keep his thing in his pants..or drinks to black out..

Why did I care what that thing thought or even wanted to help keep it breathing?

Why did I care about the opinion of anyone who had anything to do with him..not one of them ever came and talked to me face to face..and well that speaks volumes.

Why did I ever care..?

I dont know if I have the answer for this..

Maybe because they keep us so distracted with our perceived faults..

Maybe because they keep us so distracted with trying to stop the bleeding on our legitimate wounds.

Maybe because we read quotes that say, you know you are healed when you do not cry anymore.

Tears are my greatest assets.

Maybe we are scared to see that we are not damaged goods and that people are really good liars and do a hell of a floor show to distract..

Because isnt that the goal..distraction..

Look here, no here, no over here..

You become so exhausted and then you fall..because arent they always proclaiming they are your knight in shining armor..?

What we fail to realize is the issue, the problem did not exist until you met them.

What we fail to realize is they prey on your gentle heart, that has wounds and they pick at them like you do scabs..until you are so tired from changing bandages..that you start believing your broken and they are the super glue that holds you together.

maybe you have to be out to see this..to get bored..

Maybe something happens in the psyche..

Maybe you have to push all the distractions away and stop looking at the floor show.

Maybe you have to say why are there so many bombs going off with this person. Why are my things disappearing or broken or weird.

And then when you are ten minutes out the door..no bombs..lost is found..everything you need appears and the only thing that is weird is that nobody acts like that except them..

Aha..

And this is where you realize this is pure evil..and a choice..

You know what I wish..

I wish that you are bored..

Because in that boredom you will realize the ride you were on..

And in that boredom you will find you again..

Tickle me pink..

Im bored.

 

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~ by HopeGlenn on July 27, 2017.

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