The Hate

As soon as these eyes fully saw you…the hate of you began.

I no longer give you pity or a moment to hear another plea for me to speak my piece.

I run the movie of you, through my mind and let each and every act of pure destruction you perpetuated upon me have the leading role of emotion for each and every act..each and every second.

i no longer say an excuse, pity you or even go to the place of hearing your voice.

Yes 80 days have passed and all you get from me is silence.

A silence so filled with hate..and I breath again and again.

There is no indifference to you.

There is no love to you.

It is pure hate.

And I feed it every day. Every second if it needs that drink.

I hear it now.

Forgive, forget, let it go, be judged the way you judge.

And we take so easily that some words written in a man’s book are real and have any validity.

I let the roar of blood come to my ears. Pounding like a tidal wave and I let myself be lost in it.

Why should I love something so evil?

Why do I hate?

I hate you with every breathe I take. Every step I take. Every word and look that comes from this person sent to you. And I know you feel it.

Hating you..a simple meat carcass is my greatest reward.

Everything you have done are only actions of pure evil.

Are we told to tolerate evil?

Yes, and if we do not tolerate it, fill ourselves with shame and say some absurdity that I had a hand in that evil..and lie like a slug at your feet.

I am told my future is no heaven, judgement from your God..the old man in the heavens with the big stick, hell and endless suffering.

Last time I checked all that was lying in bed with you..laced in Viagra and gin.

Hate is the only thing your sad mind comprehends.

So I give you what you asked for, the works of your hand.

My hate keeps you away. Keeps me checking off days  quicker than I ever thought was possible.

It keeps me from ever hearing that worthless voice.

The mouth that you use to place dicks in.

Hate that which is evil.

Love that which is good.

So you have my hate.

The thing that will kill you faster than anything else I could ever describe.

Not my love or forgiveness. Not even an oh my.

Hate.

Hate does not seek out ways to harm.

Hate recognizes something so putrid, so foreign to life and it never lets it go.

The minute I said out loud the intensity of my hate for you, I was released from prison.

I hate everything about you.

And after I am long gone that hate will still grow and will become a mighty force.

Is it not the job of narcissist/ sociopath/psychopath to cause destruction on those they target.

Is it not the hope of the evil to silence those they do violence to.

Is it not in every prayer you send up to your God?

Silence has it’s purpose.

It has taken me 80 days of silence to speak the words I hate you.

It has taken me 80 days of silence to hear my own voice. And this is just the beginning.

80 days of silence to say the word HATE.

And not give a damn about the judgement, the sick persuasion to get me walking on eggshells once more so I will take you back.

I have nothing to say.

That is why you have gotten my silence. And it will be the never ending story entwined in my life.

It took me saying out loud that I hate you.

To be in utter peace.

I hear the clock ticking and now, the present has all the meaning.

I see what you represent, and I hate it and you.

You have nothing and I have everything.

You have a family that barely lets you into their life. Who simply tolerate you because they know what you are capable of..

Like incest, buying a child and abusing him, sexual deviancy that has obliterated their hearts, surgeries and procedures to staple back on the many pieces of you that are rotting off, drinking and raping children, torturing your parents, and so many things I do not have time for..because I now get the concept of time and what you are about.

I hate you. Not just evil, but you.

The bars have lifted, the veil has been removed and I hate.

They say that narc/ sociopath/psychopath mirror the victim..reflecting to them, the victim, someone of love so the victim will fall in love with them. They do not pick turds to emulate. That would be self defeating and you cannot play in the sandbox with copies of you.

So in essence and every part of the word..they are acting out the victim, hoping to ensnare the victim into believing they are just like them..you know kind, loving generous souls.

So in all plausibility, as you are trying to gain us, our trust, our belief..

You have shown me myself.

And aint that the zinger. The cherry on the sundae. The chocolate frosting with dark chocolate in between each layer. The 20 dollars you found in your pocket when you are counting pennies for gas.

The absolute present of you attempting through mirroring to make me think you were just like me, my soulmate, someone of heart all for the purpose for me to drop to my knees and whisper into the heavens how in love I was with you and oh how fortunate I am to have met you.

Are you with me..?

And you think it would kill me.

And all you accomplished, here is the funny part….

All it accomplished was me falling in love with me..absolute self love.

As you showed me every second of every day how freaking perfect I am.

And all it accomplished as you kicked me, knocked me down and I got back up every time..

Well, was how freaking amazing I am.

I fell in love with me, not you.

You were reflecting me back to me.

And I hate that which I am to hate..evil.

I thought maybe I missed you these last 4 years..

But no, the tears, angst, pain only taught me about me.

You attempted to snuff me out, to silence me. And neither prevailed.

And all that is gone is you, way before you met me.

You gave me a gift, not really from you, it was really from me.

You taught me self love, which we must have to love anyone else

And you taught me my voice.

The voice that will never be silenced again.

And it speaks how it hates you and what you represent.

So no bolts of lightning, not struck with illness, not even a sad sigh.

Just hate..of you.

I am thinking 80 will turn into 160, then 320..you can add from there.

 

 

 

 

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~ by HopeGlenn on July 8, 2017.

 
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