Growing

That which you give your energy to grows…

Thoughts..many more of the same kind produced.

Actions..repetitive acts make habits producing a set format…negative and positive..

I wondered as I am sure others have..how come I keep doing this..going that way..thinking this..why is it always present in my thoughts..?

And some of those things are because they require our attention…

All things require our attention.

Yet what things are we refusing to acknowledge..thus not deal with and we have a splinter that festers into an infection…

At work…when I gave my attention to..I cannot do this..it will be a difficult day..I am tired…etc.

It was all those things..

Perhaps by acknowledging that..I am tired and why..? Thus seeing why fatigued and remedying it..

Perhaps I am not sleeping well because I am having my mind run, rather than rest.

So no amount of rest will be satisfactory for this body..

I spend time thinking..looking..seeing past the illusions..dog and pony show…

And some times it occupies my thoughts more than it should..

Producing a feeling or situation I am trying to not have exist…

And in all that attempt..it exists..

Why..?

Because I am feeding it..

And everything is all about this thing…

That will cause me to do things I never intended..

I make it bigger than it is..more real than it is..more profound than it is..and I give away all my precious power to that thing..

Why would I do that…?

Especially if this thing(s)..is false..is a cock eyed distortion placed in front of me to distract me..

So…

I..

What..?

Do not see what I really am…

What something really is..

And then my energy becomes directed into the space I want it to..

I want my intelligence to grow…

How can that happen when I am watching the floor show and believing the illusion is valid..?

I want my heart to grow..

How can that happen when I am believing abuse..drinking..deviancy..lies..is what love is..?

I want my opinion of me to grow..?

How can that happen when I take another’s canned description of me as truth when all it really is..is a self serving smack across the face…

How can I sit with the stars..and sway with the tall trees..when I am stomping in the mud puddles of the box i allow others to place me in..

I stop feeding it..

I let the weeds consume it..

I extinguish the fire and do not stand about breathing in the poisonous smoke…

I stop watching and believing that love is tragic..always a struggle..dark..lonely and always in a pleading stance..lies..misunderstandings and constant false apologies..

And seek to find love..

Knowing it does not rip your heart apart..or reduce you to spittle on the floor..

Then I can know when someone says they love me..if they really do..

And growing in heart has me reducing in body size…

Interesting…

I stand taller…I remember those days..when I loved me..they are back..

Clothes that I bought and wore because I thought I was huge and ugly…swim on me..and no matter how I try to adjust and/or alter…they fall about my feet..

The smooth skin..soft has returned…

The grey blue of my eyes..is prominent..

My hair shines again and is growing…

All because that which I am giving my energy to…is not death..lies..and inane conversations of what you think I am…

I got this..

 

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~ by HopeGlenn on May 22, 2017.

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