When a lie(s) become your life

What is this..this lie..made reality..?

If I say it enough times does that make it true..real…?

What is true..? What is real..?

An example is needed…

Addiction…a repeated lie told to the heart enough times..the heart..the soul of a being..wrapped and encased in bones, muscles, nerves, blood flowing, organs propelling forward within the skin..operated by life…believes it needs the “thing” the addiction.

If I take it away…what happens..?

Detox..

Withdrawal..

Angst…

Demand for the supply to return..

A belief wrapped like a candy bar of a lie..

How did the lie became a fact..a truth..

Repeated exposure causes repeated compounding..reinforced belief..results suit use….a lie becomes real..

Yet, why does my heart hurt so..?

Why does my physical body…want to do things we normally would not even consider doing..to obtain that lie..?

Why do I hide the evidence…?

Why does the body revolt…and look like well a skank…?

Why will I give a zillion justifications for it..?

Why does a lie become truth..reality..

More examples…

I have not spoken to or seen face to face my sons in eight years..

Why..?

I am uncooperative…

I did not like their daddy punching me in every way possible…

I did not like being used as a slave…

I did not like being told…

It was okay that I was homeless…or..went hungry…or that I was replaceable..

Yet I became all of those things..

So if a child..of any age tells themselves one or the other parent is not doing what the other parent wants…they are allowed to be destroyed…

Because one walks around supporting a lie..to accomplish an action..to destroy another person..

For…

Not cooperating…

So someone else..gets to be called mom..

And I get to look at my stretch marks…walk the parade grounds through my memories of raising those boys..being their life force..their cook..their maid..their teacher..their nurse..their hope..

And swallow it…

Because of a lie..

But I wont…

Not now not ever…

I speak the truth..even if it means…another gets a name..she does not deserve..

Even if it has me standing on the outside of the bubble…

Because there is a lot of us..really good souls..standing on the outside of the bubble..

Those who work so hard…we do not know how to sleep anymore..

And every penny we earn..we earned through truth..

Not having someone line my pockets with cash…for turning your mother over and screwing her up the ass…

Sound familiar boys…?

I sure hope so…I know so..

At the bare minimum…I know the pillow I lay my head on..I earned..

And not through telling a child that their mother is trash..or defective because she had a really bad childhood…

Not through telling others that your mother believes things other than you…other than the “christian ” mentality…

So she must be a sinner…going to hell…

Hey sunshine…I lived through hell…there aint nothing that can top my father…

And you have to believe in hell and/or heaven and I do not…

Nor do I have a belief that your lie..creates me..

I scare you..and that I will take…

Anyone that you lie to..or lie about..scares you…they threaten you…and they have no idea..but they will..I do..

I realize that my ex husband..is scared of me..so he has to shut me down..he has to make the boys believe that mommy is a bad bad person…and of course he gives them cash..that always helps…

I know a certain man..who has sex with his daughter and made a baby…is terrified of me..so he lies…

My strength, my ability to go toe to toe with Goliath’s is shocking…

It is so much easier to drink the drink, smoke the smoke, take the pill, call someone something they are not, taunt them, malign them, lie about them, hide from them..

Secure your life with pictures that speak lies..

Because we all know life is just like Facebook and Instagram..

Keep putting the pictures up…they only confirm what everyone already knows…

And those who have been tossed aside..wait..but not in stillness..not in hiding…

Because what is the saying..the quote…

” the truth always comes out..and usually at the most inconvenient time”..

Such an accurate statement..

I do not write this for a reunion..or an apology..

Why would I expect that…?

I know how far down the death path many people have gone..

I move forward…each moment..and be something I knew from a very early age…

A VOICE…

For those who cannot speak…

Because they have been drugged to silence…

Shamed through inhumane acts done to that spirit…

Or those murdered and their voice is lost in the Puget Sound..

And those used as a rag for another’s pleasure..sickness and their body was forced to create lives that they never wanted and are forced to love, even though they are not in their sight line…

And yes denying someone is your mother is an inhumane act…

We better get our britches on straight..because it is..

And when that comes a calling..I do not want to be anywhere near that..

I know who I am and what I have done with this life..this cherished life…

And I aint dawdling…

And I aint wasting my time believing your lies…

The latest and greatest trend our world supports..the martyr…

I withdraw my life force from anything that is not truth…

I do not need vengeance..or apologies..

I let life..move into life..and see those trees get taller…

And I allow death to come where death is supported..

I do not sit in the sandbox..

I do not give excuse..

I am either what you say I am..

OR..

What I really am..

And for some of you…

It is time for a new dictionary..

And lets just say…

I aint holding my breathe..

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~ by HopeGlenn on May 5, 2017.

One Response to “When a lie(s) become your life”

  1. I dont really know what to say to be honest, but it’s sad just how people can lie so much to save their asses! 🙁

    Liked by 1 person

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