Popular Words

I have found the popular words are the most dangerous words.

They will snake about your heart causing one to trust in a deficit, rather than a gain.

I heard a song recently by an artist I really like.

She has made some good music…and good points. Yet this one hit me hard for some reason.

I would refuse to listen to it, shut off the radio and then I listened to it.

The words be…” I did not know I was starving till I tasted you”.

Those words have merit and value, yet they define what is happening to you through another’s definition and lens.

Am I so delinquent and neglectful of me that I can only define myself through an action of another soul?

That kind of scared me.

So I changed the words…

“I did not know I was starving till I tasted me”

Puts a whole new spin on it..does it not?

Why did I allow one defining me to be what I focused on?

Why did I believe a lopsided, bull crap exposition to be my gospel?

Why did it take someone throwing me down, peeing lies all over me to know I was literally starving myself?

Cause that is how we choose to operate.

And sad does not cover it.

We live in a world where we can view anything of our choice…yet we look at nothing.

We live in a world of legions of taste and variety, yet we play in oatmeal, beige…and think we are walking on the wild side.

We sum people up to be nothing without us…and there is some validity to that. Because we seek to make others dependent upon us, so they accept our sickness.

We take human catastrophe and politely repeat it 1000 times by a reporter sporting the latest Oscar gown. So we believe tragedy is like a hiccup.

We forget we have taken a life.

Instead of facing our evil..we plant it in our loved ones garden and tell them to mind the weeds.

I did not know I was starving till I tasted me….

Hmmmm….

Your right…I am starving…

I have been giving my time to fools…big ass fools.

Concerning myself with will they like me…do I even care?

No..

I have gone through this being like a Roto Rooter and taken out, or displaced all those magical things of me…and replaced them with..repulsive entities.

My strength…with cowardice….because I become a coward when I back away from one when they growl at me.

What is the best way to get people to go along with your bull? GROWL…terrify the soul.

My peace…with angst and suffering…because I listened and how stupid of me to do so..to him tell me one more time…how he loved multiple dicks in his ass…and I ought to try it..

And NO I do not apologize for the vulgarity.

I spent time trying to figure out how I got so closed off…the same question every last one of those bleeding has asked.

It is not closed off..it is refusing to follow down the path a billion other people have gone…even when you are taunted and beaten beyond recognition.

So yes, when I tasted me…I saw the lack..I saw the starving, gnawing hole within me. And is is great and vast and is more insidious than thinking as a child facing starvation, that I deserved dog food.

Yet I can be the only one to stitch back together that hole. It can be and will be as new..

Not like…or a close second…made new.

How so..?

Because the task is mine..

I will not subject myself to listening to juicy rationalizations.

I will not engage in this conversation on any level.

I will not permit behavior in any stance that causes confusion or even the suggestion of justification for suffering.

I was told in a taunt…

I am one way…one way Mandy…

You are right Mark…I am one way..

No need to prove I am flexible and can do as many perverse acts in a 2 hour period that a porn star can..we will leave that up to you and your family.

I am one way…

Love all the way…

My oh my…what is that…?

I am not starving anymore.

And it was as simple as cutting it loose. Letting them play with themselves…

” It is hard to win an argument with a smart person, but it’s damn near impossible to win an argument with a stupid person”

Bill Murray

“The enemy doesn’t stand a chance when the victim decides to survive”.

Rae Smith

“Beautiful things don’t ask for attention”.

Stop waiting for someone to fill the hole…its okay, you did not know someone was planting explosives inside of you and then sitting back and watching you be destroyed.

You did not know they had poisoned the watering hole.

You did not know they had gone before you and lied, created realities that are as real as drinking your urine is good for you.

You did not know…they knew though.

They took nothing from you that cant get back…it was never gone, it is not destroyed. It is right there. Bring it out of hiding and speak to it.

Soothe the furrowed brow you see in the mirror.

Comfort yourself with a warm cup of tea.

Laugh at something worthy of your laughter…not another’s inconvenience.

Have the strength to stand up, close the door, play the music so loud you cannot hear them.

And seriously…get a little fat…

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~ by HopeGlenn on February 26, 2017.

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