Dear God…

Not meant as an introduction to a letter…

BUT..Dear God, how did she get here…this place of a punching bag..

This hole she is sitting in..

This pain that she wraps about her like a the warmest sweater…coiled about her shoulders..

How did she ever get to this place, thinking this was how she was to live..

How did this happen..dear god..

She is almost dead…

She cannot formulate words for this.

She cannot even speak about what she wants to eat..or why she barely eats..

She just does…

She just does???

I listen again to your sad story..

And do not listen to mine..

Tell myself to plunder forward.

Pay it no mind.

Explain that to me.

I dont know how to speak.

I dont know how to anything..

Sit, stand, walk, run..

Timing is everything.

Some vapor made to be washed away with a chemical.

I have been reduced to a spill requiring paper towels and scents of flowers that cover up the stench.

I cannot be around people. I cannot be separated from people.

I close off the great chasm of pleading with self to find the path.

I choose something I do not believe in.

But you do.

How is that me?

I know one thing and one thing only.

Love.

That will never be taken from me.

And it is why I awoke this morning..

Made the tea..

And told this book, this story goodbye..

It knows what it is doing.

It knows what I am..

And I sit here staring at the big book, screaming white pages, clock ticking in the background, and I do not even know what to be scared about.

What do you want me to say?

Yeah I thought so.

Throw the colored pens down.

Now I walk away.

I pray no one finds me.

Dont find me.

because I do not want to remember..no dont..want to remember what I overcame to be…

THIS.

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~ by HopeGlenn on February 21, 2017.

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