Dodged a bullet

I am upside down, turned all around, circling the room, watching the floor disappear beneath my feet.

Linoleum tiles are replaced with carpet in a wave rolling towards you in the great ocean of water.

Bricks come flying, stacking up like a Lego block pattern. Zooming overhead and a wall appears.

Turn, duck, squat…?

Too many feelings happening.

Should I stay..?

Should I believe the words printed upon the page.

Should I pay attention to the reality being played out in front of me…?

Or do I look behind the looking glass…?

Is that a man behind the curtain..?

Why is he here…?

I did not invite him…I did not invite anyone.

The floor is moving again…and my stomach with it.

Love…damn Tuesday is Valentines Day…nothing to do with love…so I will write anyway..

Love has been defined to me as a reality that perpetuates angst, competition and abuse.

Abuse…an over used word, yet most accurate.

Why do we associate love with the room moving upside down and your stomach coming out your mouth…?

Do we want to believe what all the songs are about…

Because each and every one is about the only way I know you love me is by the causation of pain.

Not the quiet, gentle touch of a breeze on a spring day…for the love of peanut butter…not that.

Love must bombard us…we believe…

And in this present time…that bombardment has great validity…

We have so dirtied ourselves and polluted the streams of love..that we grasp for love in this agonizing torment of beatings and suffering…

This was stated to me recently…as a reference to love…

It was said to me, by a person who wants me to believe that 1. They are ecstatically happy with their life. And 2. Wants me to believe they love me…get ready this statement is not for the squeamish.

It was stated…” I love having 2 or 3 ( _enis in my mouth and 1 or 2 in my bottom) now would you please come “be” with me and let me love you. And on a side note everybody hates you and you are a heart breaker”.

Thank you for all of you who hung on for that last sentence…it does get better.

We have come to believe in our world that LOVE contains great violence. And the more powerful the sensation the greater the LOVE….HUH?

If one is so happy in living a life such as I described above…why are they trying, spending any time attempting to convince anyone to join them and they are so blissfully happy…?

Why are the not going and living out their fetish of abuse…?

Yeah well here is the kicker…

The more miserable the person is…the more one attempts to prove happiness of those demoralizing actions…and as a bonus, they attempt to take as many good souls with them as they can…PERK..

Because if they can get one good soul to play along…they can scream to the world of their greatness.

And many good souls go down that path and do not return.

Good souls are hard to find…many are in hiding…

Also, there is no love from another, that speaks such violence against themselves and others and then want you to play with them…

Honey they do not love you…

They have passed way beyond hate…we are now in indifference which basically brings a life to no value, so if it lives or dies, no issue. if it suffers, no issue. Love is not there.

So when you do these horrid things to yourself, self promote…you are taking the life of others, reducing life to taking a pee…it is flush-able down the toilet.

Now this is what LOVE has been reduced to…

Yet what it really is…

I wonder if you are brave enough to find out…?

I wonder…

Love does not joke with you when you spill your heart out…

Love does not ask you at any time to do an immoral act…

Love does not step past the first thought of no..

Love does not switch teams as the mood arises…

Love does not demand that I accept your addiction…

Love does not say forgiveness is yours…go ahead and do it again…and I will forgive you again…

Love holds you to your word…that is why it is written in many doctrines…let your yes be a yes and your no be a no..

Pause before you answer…think..

Love does not call one a whore in one breath and then demand a hug in the next…

Love is not patient..at least not in the definition we have given patience..
Love says..”I told you so”. and why not…?

Love is a sword that cuts deep and cleanly…

No floating hearts and paper flowers or chocolate…these things are made to excite the senses…cause appreciation…remembrance since we have forgotten..

So as the room moves sideways…and the floor is lurching underneath me..and the lights are flickering…and I have one hell of a headache…

I am searching for it…

I know it is not hiding…it is within plain sight…

But first I have to get past the flashing lights…the mob of people..the constant text noise and the gibberish being spewed at me…

No I have not found love yet to me…

I have been love…yet I have slightly received it..in a few people…and have not received it…

My mother…whom I love..loves me..

My sons whom I love..do not love me..

My friend..known me a long time…loves me..do not even have to say it…

You do not love…when you wound…and stop spewing that you have no idea what you are doing…that is the same as Forgive and Forget…impossible…if we had such ability we would forget where we placed our car keys…we would forget our children’s names…we would forget that we even had children…so come on..

WE do not love when we ignore…

And most of the songs written play on our hearts grieving and dying to be simply liked…

We cannot say…how much I hate you and cannot forgive you for lying to me that you love me and you cut my heart out with a spoon…and expect me to smile and tell you everything is okay…

Common lyrics are such…”I either dodged a bullet or just lost the love of my life”.

OR..

“I am so tired of this same old love, my body has had enough”

UM….that is lust..sex..perverted…

Love is kind…does not torture.

Love is patient…love persists…yet does not wait for one to get their act together…notice the word “act”.

Love is not jealous…does not imply or insist one proves love or “is for you” by your sick standards..

Love does not boast or is arrogant…does not act like you are so fortunate to have them…like you just won the lottery on a man or woman..

Love does not act unbecomingly…love does not bring shame upon itself or anyone else..

Love does not seek it’s own…love does not hoard and keep from others what they need…it does not let people go hungry by valuing them in a social class…nor does love allow others to go without shelter…because we think some are deserving and some are not….

Love is not provoked…it does not incite…bring about anger, malice…and oh how we love to do that to each other…so we can point the finger and say…”see..see”.

Love does not take into an account a wrong suffered….it does not make a list of all the ways you have messed up and at the most opportune time for them, shares the list…

Love does not rejoice in unrighteousness…yeah, shut up I don’t want to hear about how you take two up the (you know what)…

Love rejoices with truth…yep…now see if you can find something filled with truth about yourself or another…and no this is not the reasoning to go and smear someone because you believe a lie about them..because you refuse to listen to what they say…keep getting your panties in a wad…

Love bears all things…and that does not mean you sit there and take blows because you are supposed to bear all things…

If you think that go and read the histories and words of many of our saints who practiced love in every moment…see how they thought…Ghandi, Mother Theresa…many more…these people were not doormats, nor do they ask you to be one.

Love believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Simply…Love knows the veil of illusion through distraction keeps us away from love and reality…because sunshine, what you see right now is far from real…a very good illusion…

Loves hopes you will wake up…please wake up…

Love paces the floor at night…hoping you will put the drink down, put the drug down, put the cigarette down, stop looking at porn and thinking pain must happen during sex, and open that one door that scares you…

Love never fails…

It can never go away…

It can be lost, but that is us lost…

It can be confused…and spoken in lies…

It can be dirtied, but then like the truth..it always comes out…like it or not…

Love…

Not bottled, named, distilled or forgotten…

So..what is love.

 

 

 

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~ by HopeGlenn on February 13, 2017.

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