Being Vulnerable

I can hear the screams now..

I can see the pinched faces..

I can feel the jerks within the stomach..

I can feel the urge to throw up…

I can feel the knees weakening..

Lights flickering…

Woozy…

Oh..

Incredibly powerful position to be standing in..

Vulnerable…according to Random House Dictionary is..

Capable or of susceptible of being wounded or hurt, as by a weapon; open to moral attack, temptation, criticism; open to attack or assault; difficult to defend

Those words alone on a page, might make any person run away screaming….WHY?

Is it because we are scared of having the possibility of another hurting us?

Is it because we may not quite know how to defend or explain our position and/ or boundaries?

Is it because we may be questioned?

Being vulnerable to me is a position a safe place of incredible personal power.

I will use the word empowerment…even though lately it has been tossed around to explain everything from porn to cheez doodles.

If I know what I am..and I am questioned I can explain it..and not fear repercussions brought on by my hand upon my soul..

If I am secure in my being..my heart..how can another’s attack..harm me?

Note the word attack…

If someone is attacking me…it usually is due to their own personal questioning of themselves and actions..

And you..well are reflecting to them through your steadiness, that which they are shaky and questionable on..

If my moral compass is out of whack and I am wavering and going with what society says..well I expect to be scared when I am criticized, attacked, tempted.

My instability is a reflection of my present state. Not a permanent condition. And at any moment I can solidify and change my present state. Simply by a thought.

So if I know truth..how can I be swayed by gossip..a disordered viewpoint, a jealous and enviousness person(s)..?

And how can I be wounded..?

This only happens when I hand over the reins to me..to you..

I then become obligated to believe your smack about me..

Which is the most inaccurate piece of information I could ever receive..especially if you do not like me..are envious of me..

And there is a difference between being uneasy with another and envious of another person..

Is my attempt to hear you out or silence you..?

So being vulnerable to me..is strength and power..

One cannot take what happened and happens to you and use it against you..because it holds no shame..

They are things that happened to you, not by you..

And even the things that happened by you, by  your hand cannot swallow you in bad shame..yet can motivate you to cease and go a different direction through good shame..

Shame..defined by Random House Dictionary is…

The painful feeling arising from the consciousness of something dishonorable, improper, ridiculous, done by oneself or another; disgrace; a fact or circumstance bringing disgrace or regret.

So bad shame is brought on when someone tells you..you made them do something to you and/or you are dirty for something that happened to you.

So good shame is brought on when you realize something has gone down that should not have gone down and one seeks to correct, heal, mend the situation and to seek a higher level of existence..much higher than pond scum..

Which as a side note..is quite a creative and intelligent energy…

Yet most can relate to the statement, so it will stick for this example.

Bad shame is like when a dog vomits and then go back and eat it…”like a dog returning to vomit”.

 Good shame holds your girlfriends hair when she vomits from a night of one too many drinks.

Being Vulnerable..

Solid..safe..loving..self care..ridiculously beautiful..

Being vulnerable is knowing..acknowledging I come from abuse, was abused..yet did not abuse.

And being a soldier in this war..of removing the constricting noose about our necks of belief that says..”you made me do it”.

Vulnerable..

Safe..

Sweeeeeeeet….

Whole…

Divine.

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~ by HopeGlenn on January 5, 2017.

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