Here we go again.

About to be a new year….with all of it’s adventures.

I do not see how the new year can top this last year….but I have always been one to know each year surpasses the last.

Forgiving self….and let it go…are two of the biggest craws in my hat…

Not being from the south, but living in the south, I use their terms loosely.

Nothing sets me on fire faster than someone telling me…let it go…forgive yourself for your mistakes.

Now if I am one to have made the mistake, I will remedy that bad boy in a heart beat….

Yet these quotes about forgiving self usually do not have anything to do with that. They all reference forgiving yourself for being involved with a toxic person.

Okay…

Forgiveness in itself denotes the notion that there is an act to forgive for. An event which went down, that caused pain and suffering(most common with the reference to forgiveness).

Which if you step back from, you might get a better view.

So if I am told forgive myself to heal and will only be able to move on if I forgive…?

Should I not recognize something happened…?

So if I recognize something happened, there must be a person, persons involved in the fiasco.

So if I recognize who they are and what has been done, why must I forgive…? Ahem to move on…?

Its like the scripture which says…” honor your mother and father all the days of your life, and your life will be long”.

Or ” If you do not forgive, God will not forgive you”.

So what if my mother and father are nothing to give honor to..? What then…?

What if my partner is abusive…?

What if my children are hurtful purposefully…?

What if my friends only want me when I act right…? Whatever the hell that is…

Am I to smile in pictures, with rosy cheeks…oh and forget…?

So the threat implied, which most of us fall for is…

Accept whatever they do, deny any pain, destruction they did, cause they are above the law and they did the best they could.

And if we are running on that logic, why do I not get the same thing…?

Oh, a control mechanism to keep me hating myself and silent. Carrying the weight of the world on me. Being responsible for you and your choices…

I got ya.

Kind of how I operated for a long time…

And then one day I wrote a book…and wrote all the crimes of my father….

And I am sure hate mail will be coming my way…

But screw that god….

Why should I forgive myself for loving and reacting normally to someone slapping me around the room in every way possible…?

And why should I forgive them..?

So all will be right with me…?

NAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The moment I said….NOPE…like Rosa Parks refusing to sit in the back of the bus because she was black….my world turned upside down…

Life entered…and suddenly I could breath…

And as for peace, safety, trust…all came rushing back..in a split second…

And instead of wasting my time dealing another’s crime…I dealt with me…

Corrected my false beliefs…took care of that which I was responsible for. My  voice changed and it aint no whisper…it is a roar…so loud and shaking you to the bones…it propelled me into glory.

I have lived a life I am proud of….would not change a thing….

The only thing…and the only thing I am going to hug (forgive) myself for is this…

Is allowing someone to take a piss on me and tell me it is raining…

And I allowed it…because we are told we are bad people and God does not love you…and you are going to hell…and you will not be forgiven…all those juicy things…this is all your good for…

When I opened my mouth and said Hey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And I aint waiting around for them to say sorry….really..? come on….have we not learned better than that…

The only thing I am going to focus on is this…

A quote from Eckhart Tolle…

“Forgive yourself for not being at peace”.

I acknowledge that I believed the vain, empty voices of this world over myself.

I acknowledge that I let a controlling religion to define the Divine.

I acknowledge that I let my position as a woman be overrun by a world that is still killing women and wants me to believe I am less than a man…kind of like a cockroach.

I acknowledge that I was not at peace, and thus I could not hear my voice.

Forgiveness…well you know where you can put that.

 

 

 

 

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~ by HopeGlenn on December 29, 2016.

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