How can that be said…..??????

I wonder…through my steaming lens of fury….

How I can utter…in a flippant manner…the words…

I love you….

And not back it up….

And the more I think about it…the more furious it is…

It is a quiet fury…

No one feels it…but me…

No one gets singed from the burn of it…but me…

Keeping my emotions in check…have been a well practiced art form…

I have achieved….over many a year…

Like turning the cheek….

Learning how to react….

Yet the fury lies in this…

How can I say I love you…

And watch you…and not speak as you kill yourself…

And then bring others along for the ride…

And hopefully take them down with the ship…

And if one manages to not kill them…

They are doomed to a life of fragmented pain…

So how does that mean I love you…?

I watched a father…siblings…ex husband…children…friends…dwindle down the dark hallway of drinking….

And each and every one I spoke to…leaned into about what this was doing…

Watched them load their children into vehicles…inebriated…and toddle off down the road…oh…just fine…

How many times did I find out that they cared so little for themselves or those they claimed to love…by these actions and many more…

How many times did I allow myself to be silenced because you shamed me….

How many times did I say…it is your life…piss it away…

How many….

One too many….

How many times did I have the fear of you no liking me….

Or you having to have a penalty for these deplorable actions….dumped onto me…

How many times….

How many times did I back off….

because you told me I was unkind for bringing it up…and I had a bad heart….

How many times….

More than I can count…

Because I let…the popular opinion silence me…

Making others like me….

So in my fury I speak….

It is not love….

When I know…I know…and we all know….

One is doing something so dangerous…so life ending….

And we stay silent….

Because we are afraid of offending another…

Having them not like us…

Having them call us a name…

Shaming us…

Telling us to go the hell away…

And then dragging us back in…

How many times…???

So I say this…and those who can hear listen…

I know you are drinking…

And you are slowly killing yourself….

And you are killing others…with this slow methodical torture…of those you claim to love…

And yes you have ended the life of a few….BRAVO….

So did I mention….

I could give a F… about what you think of me….?

The next time…you drink..and you spit your hate at me…

Or you stink with it oozing out of your every cell….

I will remind you…

As I trip you and you fall on your face….

It aint getting past me…ever again…

Because I back up what I say…

And I love you is not a vacation word covered in whip cream….

And it is about to sting like hell….

I LOVE YOU…..

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~ by HopeGlenn on May 3, 2015.

4 Responses to “How can that be said…..??????”

  1. Just once I said to a friend as she was leaving, having had too much to drink, “Of you drive away I will call the police.” She was astounded and mad as hell of course but she stayed the night and lived to thank me the next day.

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    • I have spoken up a few times recently…with no fear…and have had fury thrown at me…and I have never seen someone so eager to have me gone….and I know why…the secret is revealed and they know you know…and they want you gone…the misunderstanding is this….they have no clue as to how much you care…how you see life as sacred….and sacred life is not something they understand…and to say in many times…nor cherish….

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      • It was fortunate that she believed I would do it and she didn’t go away mad at the truth . . . perhaps that’s why our friendship survived . . . my heart was in my mouth but it was one of those times when I couldn’t NOT act. I have another friend to whom I said “I do not want to go to your funeral, do something about your health.” She listened . . . perhaps because I seldom say such things. It’s so hard to say a truth and I think being prepared to lose the person from your life is price you may have to pay but I ask myself if I can sit by and do nothing. The older I get the more I appreciate life. Kia kaha (stand strong in your heart) my friend.

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      • Thank you my friend….

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