The difference….

I expect no one to agree with me….

Perhaps that is why I can speak about certain subjects and carry on in my faith…my knowledge…

I am a super big fan of cooking shows that are competitions….

Chopped….the show makes you register…what am I doing….not everyone else….what have I learned in this journey…and age has no bearing on anything…it is simply a number….

Because my sons at early ages taught me so many things…

Eyes pointed to the sky…saying why….?

And I learned to answer why….and there is an answer….

The answer is not forthcoming…when we decide to not answer..too much work…

So years ago…when I stood knee high to a grasshopper…I figured something out…

And at 52…I see it clearly through a learned heart…

There is abuse done to a person….

And there is participating in abuse….

We tend to bracket those abused into two spaces…from being abused…

They will either become abusers…OR…they will be abused forever….

And I believe both are viable choices to the person…

It matters on what you believe and what you choose to become…

I saw my siblings and myself live through horrific abuse…

I watched all of us…sort it out…

Two brothers became abusers…

Anger is a huge factor in that…

And anger is something that should not be seen as a negative…

Unless it allows you to risk a human life….which they both did…

One recovered…made peace…and then was murdered…

One lost everything…and became part of the scenery…

Which is better….?

Some say my oldest sister…became an abuser…I am going to have to highly disagree with that….

She was hard to be around at times.. aren’t we all….but she was a huge soul full of love….

She did not abuse after living through our childhood and all the other abuses this world said…Hey…lookie here…fresh meat…

She simply did not know what to do…and was lost…

And for that…and she became my mother…I hold her close to me always….

Yet as this story continues I see something…

There are so many people so mad at parents…siblings..partners…

And there is a valid time for that….maybe years…because in that one fights for self…and as I have said to many before…you are priceless…a gem…and aint nothing can change that…

yet when you take situations and/or abuse and use it as a vehicle to abuse…

Well there is a problem…

And when you continue it down the line….

May God have mercy on your soul….may this universe have more compassion than I can give at this moment…

I am working on it…

But I have seen too many…way too many of the abusing the child…

Being sexual with your child…blaming it on…lets see…

Your partner does not give you enough sex…alcohol…drugs…you name it I have heard it…

And you pretend like you do not know what you are doing…

Sure…about that…?

So why you numbing…going to another place…?

Unless this place is…well…not making you feel so peachy about self….

And the saddest part about this abuse is teaching the child…this is what you do…

It is bad enough…sad enough…knowing a parent has been sexual with a child…

Yet what is really sad..is the adult child now continuing to be sexual with the parent…and being in a competition with another on a sexual level….

And I see it enacted every day….

And when you see it and your chest tightens…and you want to vomit…

Trust it….

Speak what has to be spoken…

Because it needs to come out of the dark corridors we keep it locked in…under some pretense of show…

It does not take long after speaking or observing those in these situations…to see something peculiar…

And people…stop trying to please…and make sure everyone likes you…

Very few people will like you….hold them close…cause they love you….those who will speak truth through love…

Because as we have seen…it goes down the chain…

And all we have to do is look about…at what is happening in this world…and cringe…

Because we have been silent…afraid of stepping on anyone’s toes…

Seriously….

Yesterday….Friday…at the age of 52…I spoke about it again…

And my voice still quaked…it shook and my voice got all gummy…

And something was said…from a man…(and I smile as I typed that)…because I have not met many quality men…yet I know they are out there..all over the place…

Because the one speaking is quality….

He said…you speaking…not being silent…fighting…being emotional…being alive will give another and another and another…and another…the ability to speak…

And that takes the silence and the shroud of misery off of it…

And as the group of young people I was present in…it gave me great hope…

Because…they now know…

There aint no truth in abuse…everything is lies and hate…it says nothing about you…and the beautiful creation you are…

And when you hit that….DING…..DING……DING…..

You have killed it…

And there aint nothing better than knocking abuse in the ass…all the way down the block…and then some…

In closing…

Young ladies…do not keep playing the game of sexual conquest with you and your dad…and your mother..or his girlfriend…

And young men…hitting a woman..controlling her…will not bring you peace…and it will not bring you self control…

They did not take anything from you when they abused you….

They only got you..when you let them…well..win…and believe you are….

Damaged…so you need them to fix you…

Dirty…so lets keep playing in the crap puddle…

Ugly…and how fortunate they want to be next to you…

Stupid…because you can barely tie your shoelaces…

I will be 90…if I have the privilege of living such a full life…

The one sticking out my tongue….

Going Nah Nah Nah….

Because baby….I done good….I done good…

And so did you…

 

 

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~ by HopeGlenn on March 28, 2015.

One Response to “The difference….”

  1. Lets be real

    Like

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