Give and withdraw….

I am hesitating…how come…

Perhaps I know that this extended hand will be bitten…

Struggling with doing your duty…and feeding the sickness….

If I pay this..contribute to this…I keep feeding the illness…

So where does my responsibility start and yours begins…?

Or where is my responsibility…in this…?

And what am I to learn….

My favorite quote is by the Buddha….

When the student is ready, the teacher appears”

If I keep feeding the myth..the illusion of grandeur….

Do I ever get past this..or is this me continually moving through the briar patch….hoping this time I wore the right clothing…and found an easier route…

I am doing something…without any clue of how it will financially be accomplished…

Scarier than facing a hungry bear…raging down the hillside at you…

Scarier than anything I have ever faced…even the abusive father…abandonment..being homeless…

And the Universe…God…is standing on close watch…

because I must understand…that the “means”….

Will not appear…show themselves until I stop feeding the myth…and not just the money myth…

Myths..lies..that say…I am inadequate…

As a mother…friend…lover…partner…

Myths..lies that say…I am to be in despair…struggle…

Always paying into another’s illness….and never paying into ME….

And as I scrambled today…briefly…

I spoke this…

As long as I seek to bring funds in to take on the course of another..perpetuate an illness(even my own)…be hospitable…with the desire to be seen as worthy….the heavens will close off…

So today…I do not scramble…

I Pause…

Do not panic…do not mope…do not feed the tick..tick..tick of the bomb waiting to go off…

I do NOW….present…Love me..in profoundness….

And recognize…how profound I am…

As Wayne Dyer states…

I am…(fill in the blank)…I am…

I am breathes it in, pause…say what you are…breathes it out..and hands it to God..Universe…

Take it in…

Giving it back to the Universe…

Makes it like in concrete…solid…

And REAL….

Just like me…doing the thing I fear the most….

And guess what that is…?

Believing that I am something..something special…

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~ by HopeGlenn on March 16, 2015.

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