Infinite Potentiality….

I am wrestling with myself….something much harder than an opponent….

Because I can talk myself through a dance….better than the tango…with just the right dress….

What I am capable of doing…has no limits…

Yet this physical body has limits…

And that is where most stay trapped….

How can I say this….

Even though I do not like it…I make the dance with the devil by my hand…

I keep the things alive…

I believe people when they tell me…this is this and that is that….

If I spend my time courting another who complains and is wanting to be pissed off…what do you think I am going to get….

Pissed off and complaints…

Everything and I mean everything…down to the most kindest, generous act will be seen as bad…in the receiver…

It will be locked and loaded in…never enough….

And I decide to stay there…

To believe an utter lie about myself….and…the infinite potentiality is there…making pissed off and complaining….

I started by being the supportive listener…I mean that was kind and right…RIGHT?

Nobody wants to hear, you do not listen to me…you are never there when I need to talk, or vent…

So tell me, why are we to be there…?

Be the listening ear…the consoling soul….?

What demands on us are being spoken that we are adequate unless we listen with bright eyes and the nodding of the head, how troubled all this is…

Did I sign a contract…?

NO….

It is the myth…the falsehood that states I am nothing unless I lay myself on the alter and play the misery game with you…..

And then I am astounded when misery upon misery is in my life….where I am so depressed…and holding onto those moments…rare indeed…where positive words are spoken….

And what will happen if we stop listening..?

HUH…

Stop listening and nodding our head in agreement…that all is lost….

What will happen….

I cannot say for sure….because I am so used to playing the scapegoat and the feel sorry for you, but I do know this….

The world will not end….

The clouds will not fall into the sea….

I will not be beaten and hurt…except by my own heart….

Because I do know this…

Once I step away…

I am in full light….and all that I pushed away from self…will be available…

And part of that course is a mantra…a quote…an affirmation…an inner dialogue…

Placed in gratitude…

Being thankful for even the slightest thing…

Today it was the sweatshirt I am wearing…and there I stopped…

That person(s)…who used you as a punching bag will no longer be able to do that…and honestly if they go to another, do we really mind?

We do if we believe that we are a punching bag…

Things will change…stay the course….

Because deep down…under the clothes you wear…the sweatshirt…the pants…

You really want different…even if it terrifies you at this moment….

If that is a lie…

You would not be the one..lifting your eyes to the heavens…tears running down those cheeks…asking for the glimmer of hope…and the piece of direction…

Some want to sit in the sandbox eating turds decorated as Tootsie Rolls….

Something tells me different…

It tells me…the same about me….

I want different….

That is why I am stomping my feet…hands over my ears…..singing….na na na…I will not hear you….

And thus…it ceases to exist….

It is not easy work….hardest work I have ever done….

But all it takes is the one time…you say no…maybe mocked for being Sunshine Sue…your sleep taken from you…and you sitting in a puddle of complain vomit…

That eating turds…is making me sick…

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~ by HopeGlenn on March 4, 2015.

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