Why not today….

Meditation for me…has been touch and go….
Sometimes I get there…and do not capture the road I traveled….
And then sometimes no matter how true I wish to be there…I never get there and cannot remember the directions…even though I traveled this path many times…
So this morning in my attempts to meditate…I stopped…
And thought about WHY?
I know everyone hates why….and I cannot figure out why…
For me…and for quite a few people I have engaged with…it takes them to the sweet spot…and BAM…it releases…
I think…we are afraid of finding out the why….because it is so much more fun to play in the playground of blame…self critic…and sorry for self…and attempt to make it look like a noble pursuit….
But it really just places us in the fear arena…where we believe absurd lies about self…and others….
because lets face it….
If we are telling ourselves lies about oneself…we are surely playing in the enemy camp of lying about others…in our heart…
Misery loves company….
Sometimes we need moments to sort through an event….
For various reasons…
The person involved in the event is present in front of us…and we have to focus on that…which leaves little if any moments to focus on something just said or done…
It is like being a kid…and your parent says…
This will hurt me more than you….I am doing this because I love you….
It is a means to distract…draw one away from the present condition and focus on a distraction…so you forget or misplace this thought…emotion…place you stand in…
And we allow others to do it to ourselves and we do it to ourselves…
So I asked why…?
Because it makes me…pull the layers of onion back and delve into the part that makes your eyes water…
Why am I blaming myself…doing the bleary eyed…morning ritual of tearing myself down…putting all woes of the world at my feet…because someone decided to be..well a jackass….
And why am I dogging my way out…
Why are they not giving me a boost up…out of the mire…
because we are so much liking…the path of distraction….
Because it covers up…all the things we do…and why we do them….
And if there was…even though I know there is not…an opposite of love….it would be in the middle ground…
Indifference….
The person has value…you want connection and relationship….BUT….
You are so much liking your ritual of game….
You have indifference to yourself and to life….
And that is worse than hate…
It is the ceasing of life…existence…connectedness…all in the same puddle…all in the same blue sky….
And that is how I almost started my day…my morning…
By stepping into indifference….
And saying…this aint my poo poo antics…it is about them….
And that is why I could not get into a calm state…LOVE…
It is my poo poo platter….
Because if I do not bother to say…Why are they doing this…
Why has this been brought to me…
Why am I questioning my value….
I am in indifference….
Deadlier than poison…
More painful than abuse…
And shockingly…the thing that rules most of our day…
Not a survival tactic or protection vehicle…
Death on a stick….
Okay…now I can meditate….

Advertisements

~ by HopeGlenn on January 17, 2015.

2 Responses to “Why not today….”

  1. I do such an awful job meditating but every once in a while, it works and I love it. This was truly such a great insight to the whole process, the why and the mattering of it all.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Well stated. I think we all struggle with a lot of this on a daily basis. I try and do prayerful meditation daily…some days it’s great and I come away feeling refreshed and cleansed……other days not so much….the trap as you said is oneself and self worth and not letting others drag you down.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

 
%d bloggers like this: