Busyness…

Funny how I think being busy…getting all sorts of sorts done….
Shows my worth…shows how much or how little I should be observed…listened to…and the burn….LOVED…..
There is that word again…my word for 2015….
This I will admit has been my challenge for all my life….and standing here at this age…it stills anchors me to the everyday….
And it is an anchor that needs to just go away….
Because if I cannot break the sick hold this has on me…operating my life through the perceptions I perceive and take on….
Then this anchor will drag me under…and drag me along the bottom…of this vast blue sea…..
How much I accomplish…means I am worthy….
Isn’t that the premise…the basic function that controls most of our life…?
few have mastered this release…many stay locked into the epic battle….the war of the world….
If I can accomplish a lot…than I am deemed worthy…of like…?…appreciation…?
LOVE….?
What if I am already love…and I am covered up under some belief…a perception…that I must do to be Loved…?
That about covers the gist of it…right on…!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So how can I know what I really am…when I am spending all my time…trying to find enough things to do…to be accepted…worthy…worth loving….even basic consideration…
That is the point I wrestle with today….and really 24/7….everyday of the week….
If I did not…and did not think my worth was given by all that I do….would my list be longer than this life has time to accomplish…? I think not…
There was a moment…a time…shortly after Thanksgiving….and went a bit past Christmas…that I had an epiphany…you know the AHA moment….
In that time…I refused to be labeled…even by myself….a very loving act…
In that time….I refused to be around people who labeled…and spent all their time in judgement and deceit…
In that time…I separated myself from being around people…who gave me the ultimatum…of….do this..or you receive my wrath…like I was in some movie of the warring of gods….of being told….I was here to erase lies spoken…not by me…and judgements and perceptions…garnished from lies….
I was to correct a course….
The only course this woman can correct…is the one she believed was truth…and found out she had been led down a dark hallway…and told lies…and lies…and to this day…she does not get why…
And I suppose that is to be expected….not knowing why…

And as I spent the holiday season…empty handed in things I can touch…smell and taste with this physical body….
I accepted the gifts that came with LOVE running the show…
Being sidelined…and told I was not worth acknowledgement…well…made me seek ME…this creation…
And pull up the dust ruffle under the bed…and peek at the SOUL hiding beneath…
And find that which I was to do…
Not my purpose….
because in all honesty…everyone’s purpose is to LOVE…
And if we did that…we would turn this world upside down…spin its on its axis…like techno…in a disco bar….
I found…the reasoning…and how through healing of self…and the energy was turned on…that I was made…
In the image of God…
Not like God…
Not in his thoughts….
Not in a draft he drew out…
But what I am…
And thus I return to my true meaning….
To create as I have been created….
I did not create myself….
Yet I did create…or make a false image of myself…which removes love and dirties my original light…
I was here to create…love…
which can only be achieved through acknowledgement of what I was….
Not what I could do….
Not how much money I could bring in…
Or how well I could run a house…
Or how many hours overtime I could work…or position I could rise to…which says nothing…
But about how and if I loved….
And by refusing to participate in certain arenas…
(And the arenas I can create in seem to be reducing in amazingly fast proportions…)
I discovered…Truth…
And the MIRACLE….
So I am not going to hold my breathe….not at least now…
Waiting to see if I cooked right…or sewed right..or kept the house right..or dressed right….or even acted right….
I am going to stand in that place I am supposed to be…
And I do not have to know how…when..why…or anything…
I just have to move aside the many people and perceptions…hanging out with the short guy behind the curtain…shooting flames and whistles into the air…
I have to hold this person…
Perfection…seeing her hands do what they should do..speaking what they should be speaking…even if the door is halfway open…
And guess what….
Dishes will stay in the sink….and the bed aint getting made….
Go ahead..tell me..my worth…my value is based on those things…
I got a world to heal….by loving…those we think are unlovable….but they are not….
And as always….it starts with me….

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~ by HopeGlenn on December 30, 2014.

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