Restless…

It is Christmas…..
Okay say DUH….as if nobody knows that….

And restless..uncertain…confused are the words and places I dwell today….
I discovered something last night as I sat in a service….
As I told my fellow brothers and sisters…PEACE to you….and it was spoken to me…
And in this moment….
I do not wish peace….
I wish…hope…light…truth…reign foremost upon each and every person…being…
I do not wish peace…

Peace has become an illusion to us…a numbing mechanism…and illusion…that all is well….
Just as we go about the day…the holiday….
And for the briefest moment…we forgive ourselves…and move in a direction of empathy…
Not all…but most…
It is the one day…we acknowledge we have something….
Even if it is the half baked illusion…we love…

This day states I should be with loved ones…family…those who mean something…
Those I would make something for….
Those whom I would cook for….
Those whom I would ask to grace the threshold of my home…
Those who I say…I would not subject to my twisted version of reality…
And then excuse it away…with an excuse declaring…it is all about the other person…and how they “should” be…

But my question is this…and I am pretty sure it was Santa Claus…and Jesus…and Buddha…and the saints…and even the Easter bunny”s thought….
Why is it just for this one day….?
And that is why I am restless….

Because as this day…nears to its closing…pretense will slip away…like our waistline from gorging….
And others will wish me well…and tell me they love me…
But as they did yesterday…and will tomorrow….my correction will begin…and continue…

Because we like to think we love….
But rather we bluntly put…kill…
And give degrees of worth…and continue the war of one upping the other…and excuses will be aplenty…

And maybe one day…we will not have to have a man in a jolly red suit…an Easter bunny bearing chocolates…a man speaking truth…and not that we are a dirty sinner….or a Dali Lama…telling us to look past the show…because it is a doozy…and perhaps we will not have to have stacks of books…telling us how to act…and how to heal our broken heart…or how to label ourselves as warrior…goddess…criminal…woman…old person…diseased…

And maybe….
We will figure out what the other days are for….
And something tells me…it would be a lot like Christmas…
Days filled with…seeking our path….
Days filled with valuing our children…rather than buying them…
Days filled with telling another they make us uncomfortable…rather than shaming them…or to be blunt…just flat out lying about them…and then expecting them to hug you after you have dismantled and dirtied everything about them…
Days filled with….oh…I have the key to heal that heart…
Days filled with feeding another….
Days filled with only speaking truth…
Days filled with no justifications…
Days filled with oh I dont know…LOVE….

And when I say…Peace to you….
Maybe I will mean it….

But hey I am not holding my breath…
The last time I did that…well…I drove my children away…because they did not act right…yet it was what I had taught them….
And I said it with my own two lips….
Fear ruled….

So every day is Christmas…but I will call it life instead…just this day…every day…present…
And I will be restless…
Because I will not stop…until it hits the core of anyone I can impact….
I am on a mission…
Not for fame….cash…popularity…huge home…well liked…or even thought of kindly….
But to do one thing…and everything else…everything else will follow…
And all that is needed will present itself…and the rest will fall away like chaff…
The one thing is love….
FAITH…HOPE…LOVE….
And the greatest of these is love….
MY faith in humanity…in the intrinsic goodness inside each of us….buried under malice…of my hope…that enough will finally be enough…
And that my love will take over…
And when I speak Peace to you…
It will not be through a forked tongue…
That draws one close…speaking illusions of love…
Replacing all with fear…because I have lost my hope…or faith…that I can love and be loved…
I speak peace to you…
obtained through the life…well lived in love…

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~ by HopeGlenn on December 25, 2014.

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