The need….to go backwards….

Let me explain….

I was a big fan of self help books for years….

And not those creative souls like Louise Hay and Wayne Dyer and Pam Grout.

No I was the reader of the books like…”Women who love too Much”…..Co-dependent no more”…you know the ones I am talking about…and the many self help steps that required you forsaking yourself and always looking out….

Because I always..like most people…including those from other countries…thought I was broken….and I needed some fixing…and the best that could be done is maybe duct tape..but watch out for drafts, water and quick tugs….

The whole assembly of you pieced together with bubble gum…might just unravel….

And I did…unravel….

And there are things I AINT doing another second of my life….

Like trying to get people to like me..who do not even like themselves…and doing some sort of antics of playing along with their sickness…over and over again…well makes me a “good” person..and I am qualified to be in their presence…oh I am so grateful….(snide humor)….

Like waiting for another to give approval that I deserve food and shelter regardless if I am working 12 hour days bringing in the bucks…keeping their illness alive….

Like they have any control on what God..this Universe will provide for me….

hey in all honesty…I am the one withholding from me…I told God…I aint worth food and shelter….

And the Universe…waiting with bated breathe…asking me to open up my arms and flood me with everything…

Watches me…say….I aint worth having a cookie…

And the Universe…God must oblige….

Because truer words were never spoken then these words….

Our thoughts create our world..Our thoughts and words are beliefs we speak life into…

We make today..this second…tomorrow happen..one way….

OUR THOUGHTS…..

And I get it is hard….

Because when you have been thinking your whole life that you have to learn the dance steps…and you feel you got two left feet….

It is easier to believe…you deserve nothing…and are stupid…ugly..useless..untalented..unskilled….

Better suited working 12 hour days for people who do not care about your next breath…and that you can barely feed yourself…or those beautiful children you and I have…who we suddenly see as a burden…yep that one pinched….

Do something for me….

And it will make you squirm…

Say this….

I am Worthy…

And find something even if it is a piece of candy…or that pink scarf…or a sandwich or a breeze to cool you…or a warm heat spot..to know what smiles feel like again….

Just for a moment..say it…

I am worthy…and put your ending on that…fill in the blank….

And squeeze your heart tight and believe it….just believe it….

And let God..the Universe give it to you….

And try..like me..to not refuse..slap the hand…make a crass joke…think you do not deserve…

Let it come to you…even if it is a mint….

Ask God..to let you see something…you would not normally see….something outrageous….

Like a polka dot car….

I did…and they were everywhere…

And smile…

And this I tell myself…

Because I sat here this morning in shame…

How careless of me..I thought…

To want to be what I was meant to be…

I am an artist people…and I will never be happy until I am doing that 24/7…..

I am worthy….

And God..the Universe….

will provide….

And they are waiting like giddy schoolgirls on a first date….

Because it is yours for the taking…

You aint taking anybody else’s stuff….this is all yours…

There is no deprivation…shortage….that is a lie..to keep you from asking…and believing…

Keep you going backwards….

Because everyone who hates himself…who wants you to believe you need to be a movie star and find your worth through them….will make themselves known…

As if they already haven’t…right??????

I dare you….to trust…

Because what you see is not real….

What is inside…the being of beauty is the only reality that exists….

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~ by HopeGlenn on December 3, 2014.

One Response to “The need….to go backwards….”

  1. Hi, i love to see your post n photo. Nice to see u :). Follow me: http://wp.me/p5llxD-q

    Like

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