The…I gotta write about this….

Most recently…I broke away….

I had sliced through part of the ropes that bound me….yet had not completed the cord severing…

Until Thursday….

And maybe I had done a lot of prep work….

Or I am really good at pushing things out…just lower than the sight-line….

OR….

Maybe I was not quite ready….for the ending….

And it is not quite there…yet…because people like the person I was involved with are…

Well lets say..dark..evil…sick….

And this is how they will remain….always….

It is like knowing seasons come and seasons go….

With each person…they have in their lives..they become progressively better at utilizing the skills from the previous relationship…to play the new partner….of this relationship…

To put it bluntly….they are and will always be….a…POS…..

Use your acronym finder if this one stumps you….

But most likely not for long….

Now me…

Decided about a year ago….I needed one more lesson….

Would I believe all the lies…chatter of filth I had been told…and had been targeted for….and knew how to do…like breathing….

Examples….I know how to make a fight…I know how to fight a fight…because that was what I was taught…and some of that I must give grace…but when you keep repeating it…and letting yuck travel to you on the pikeway….you screwed…

OR….

I could regenerate that person who made appearances at the birth and raising of her children…

And the beautiful soul which was born….Mandy….and I am a beautiful soul….

So in the midst..and I discovered the purpose of this one more relationship…..I chose living…

I said through gritted teeth and tears streaming down my face….

I either try this stinkin…EMDR…or I am dead…..

Because one of these fools was going to take my life…and I was gonna let them…

And that does not mean I take on any credit for their choices….

It simply means…that I had chosen to not fix…heal what I needed to in this life…and had thrown my hands up…and left….

So I left….and in a blur….

And I shook….but did not question…not for a second…

And it hurts…as much as I will let it…

And I got to feel the pain….I got to…

I got to hate…real bad hate….

I got to point the finger where the finger belongs….

And I cannot walk around and say….”I am angry at myself because I let them treat me that way…”

News flash people….whether you go along or you fight like hell….they gonna do it…

You just decide if you will believe it…and then become it…

And thank God for people who know the real you….

That even when you were giving them a rash of S…

They stuck with you….because they knew that was not you….

And that is priceless….

Sort of like water….and blue eyes…and pink….

And you process…and you cry….and you put the blame where it belongs…

And you heal…and you see the truth….

And you stand in awe….always…with gratitude….present…always….

Then forgive…when you can….

Because people like I just left….do not fade away….

You must remember…you are a possession….always will be…

And it is scary..when you hear those words from their mouth….a bit chilly in here dontcha think?

And there will be a conversation…and you will be lured….

And you have to feel…cry…lose it….

So they will not make you ask questions…consider their welfare….or do anything but this….

Leave me alone…this is done…stay away from me….

And guess what….?

You will mean it….

Now go out there and live….be grateful….

And I promise….

The smile will come back to your beautiful face….it will….

I am starting to feel mine….and sometimes it is the sweetest giggle….

Because life is wonderful…I changed a pattern….I became free….I loved myself….

And if it gets any better than this….

I might just laugh with a snort….

My signature….

Peace to you all….

And mostly love…..

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~ by HopeGlenn on November 7, 2014.

3 Responses to “The…I gotta write about this….”

  1. “All that is left to bring you pain, are the memories. If you face those, you’ll be free. You can’t spend the rest of your life hiding from yourself; always afraid that your memories will incapacitate you, and they will if you continue to bury them.”
    ― J.D. Stroube ……….. good to here….. the hinges are broken and the pink and blue bird flys in the wind…..fly high….

    Like

    • You my dear friend..would know better than any other…the pink and blue bird flies…

      Like

      • I love you Mandy girl!! You are in my continued thoughts and prayers. You always hold a special place in my heart. I hope that you are continuing to heal. Please call me some time so I can get an update and know how you are doing.

        Like

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