feed it..or not….

Ever been resting…trying to rest….

And knew something was up…amidst…about….?

The heart has a hard time maintaining steadiness….

it rushes..gallops and then skips beats….and then apologizes and lets one rest for the moment….

And there is something lurking…

How perfect for the Halloween season eh…?

But it has nothing to do with that….

And everything to do with what is happening today….

Decisions have been made on faith….

I was going to say blind faith..but faith is not blind…

because if one focuses…gives the energy into faith..which in my definition is the consistency to maintain belief…

And not necessarily in anyone but you..to do the most gracious thing for yourself…

I put faith that in all my searching..EMDR Therapy would help…

Because when one has unprocessed memories..real time events in them..they are blocked up…and it festers..and distorts..and oozes darkness into the bloodstream..which feeds the heart and brain…

And I signed up to do art creations..to incorporate my textile design into clothing that dances in my head…

Real as the day is long….

And I agreed to take a skills test…which the tester believes will be one of the easiest things I have ever done…

And that is supreme that another can see you..when you struggle to see self…

So I can do this job….

And work…in a space..that does not require my blood…or my breathe…only my hands and mind…and duly compensated…

Odd Huh…

Is that not what I said I was worth…Is that not value I had determined for myself…

And it appeared like the sun..right in front of me…

And something tells me..that being trapped for years…because I had no means…by really poor decisions…

Is not going to be my life now…and that leaving can be done…in faith..love…and the Universe..God..the bounty of this world…

Will provide….and it will be the smoothest event I have ever done…and no explanations will be needed….

They will know…despite the WHAT?

And maybe I am shaking in my boots….

Because I am asking for what I want…

And I am

well…

loving me….

The most valuable asset…I will ever have…

Advertisements

~ by HopeGlenn on October 28, 2014.

3 Responses to “feed it..or not….”

  1. The Art Creation sounds like a wonderful pairing with your clothes making.
    Careful with the EMDR , bubbling things to the surface with your sensitivity is going to be a wild ride down the rabbit hole. good luck…

    Like

    • The things bubbling to the surface has already happened….defined better as panic…anxiety attacks that you cannot quite put your finger on the cause….
      If I slow for a moment…a memory comes rushing forth…and a tear drops..and it shows me how that…is making me act like this today….
      And I say…just because this happened to me..does not make me that…and it goes…even that dirty feeling..and I turn my head to the light and say…
      I create a different life for me…not abuse..condescension…suffering…contempt…being ignored…etc…in all honesty these are things I created..with my own words..I said I deserved it…
      Not true anymore…sunshine and roses is just the tip of the iceberg….it is like having chocolate ice cream before dinner…and not feeling sorry at all….
      You my friend..are on my heart….glad to see you about….love…light….and all good things…to you…

      Like

    • nd I thank you for your wishes for me…

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

 
%d bloggers like this: