This is dragging me under…

If I let it…

Now that is the key point….

Many of us..I include myself…are trapped in a cycle of pain and suffering…

Many are confused and do not know…how this happened…

And some are aware…yet are terrified of feeling good…and claiming their life…

And some are like me…who know what is happening…and fighting…yet find themselves sinking below the water line…watching life from a sad perspective….

I never knew..honestly..until the last year of my life…that my words and thoughts about myself and this world would manifest right in front of me…

The Universe..God..gives you what you ask for….

Yet what I did not understand until recently..is that these patterns of thoughts are from events..instances…that molded our thinking…rethinking…how we view ourselves…from the subconscious aspect of our being…

They…the thoughts of self..the fears..are plugging away in there…making sure every step..backs them up…

Pretty hairy if you ask me….

Most of our experiences are imbedded in our physical body…

And most of them are non processed events….

They are stored in the huge…expansive warehouse of our minds..our soul…

And they operate everything….

Even the color I pick out to wear….

Even how and when I brush my teeth….

And until they are processed…they rule every moment of every day…

And everything revolves around them…

And nobody can state the power it should or should not have over oneself…

A snide comment…can have the same devastation as a blow to the body….

And the Universe will keep presenting that which we need to deal with over and over…it never stops…scary huh?…..

Just like the man in an occupation that requires him to do many verbal…group presentations…

And he is terrified of public speaking….

Hmmm…for no apparent reason….yeah right…See how the Universe works….

So I was seeing myself..repeating the same thing…over and over…

And I was pissed….

So I reached out…

And I got answers….

And I have to say…I was a wee bit uncomfortable….

I saw an intuitive….what I call a voice of reason…

And the energy I was giving off…about knocked her off her chair…

yet she maintained with me…

She told me…the person I was with was bad…bad…and the situation was bad bad….

And I know this….

But I believe I deserve this….

And it is from those unprocessed events..that one never got to deal with…

I knew it was bad…

Especially as we moved closer to my birthday….

he spent hours degrading me…lies…but that is the company he is used to…

And when I went away….into this being….he panicked…

And when he thought I was back….

he then began again….

And I let him….

I should have snapped when he took me to a place for dinner…that he went with a hooker…

because he was there to prove his theory right in his heart..that he was trash..and he destroyed everything….

And he does it well…I have to give it that….because he believes it…lives it…and the belief he carries…is enacted out in front of his eyes….

Just like you and me….

How many of us can raise our hand to this one….?

being with someone because we believe..we deserve..trash…

And our voices mean nothing….

And the crappy thing is this….we believe it…

So the intuitive recommends a book…and a few wonderful things….

And I got the book….

But as I read it…

And it hits me like a two by four every time I read it…and I let it do that…

But first I am doing a therapy…if you can call it that….

It is EMDR….take a moment and read about it…

Or if you are brave enough get the book…”Getting past your past”…it explains what happens….

And then as I read this other book….”You can heal your life”…by Louise Hay…

And I highly recommend it…

You start healing your life….

If you really want to…

That is the ticket…

because some of us..like to sit around and complain how beat up we are by others…and love the poor me role….

And they let others form who they are…

and in that breathe you are co-dependent…and you sabotage your entire life…

I should know..I did it and well…

But before I can change my thoughts…and start believing truth about me…

Like I deserved to do a dance on my birthday….and the world is right at my feet…

And I deserve stability..goodness..kindness…no abuse…and truth in my life….

I have to process…put away these events…

That make me…operate in a world that says…

I deserve abuse….

So here I go….

And I started on my birthday….

And it opened doors….

And I was not prepared how clearly I would see another degrade me…

But it was the best present I could ever give myself….

And I am not backing down….

Because one day…

I will believe…not so long from now…

And will say..this is what I deserve…

And it will be..right in front of me…

And I will not be scared…or live in fear…

Which is what the abuse wants me to do…

I will not believe that I will be homeless…

Or starve…

Or have no means to support myself….

I will believe…oh that I am as bright as the blue sky…

And nothing less…

And I do not deserve..being taken to a restaurant…and being treated like a hooker….

Oh yeah….

lets ring the bell….

 

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~ by HopeGlenn on October 15, 2014.

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