Confusion….

I will admit it…

I am in full on…make you crazy…look like an idiot..who cannot make up their mind…

CONFUSED……..

I do not want to sit here and write…

Yet I am bound to sit here and write….

I get up..pace..open and close windows…find something to occupy my hands…

Then sit down at this screen…and write a few words…with hands a shaking…

I feel like..it was my first time kissing…

And you thought..is this the right thing…the right age..the right person…

And why am I feeling this…?

here is the quandary…

Are we to abide with another through their sickness….?

Is that loving someone…for better or for worse..in sickness and in health…?

Or do you step away…especially when one finds themselves..being twisted..?

And finding ways to correct themselves…

Like I need a course..in navigating away from excuse…and rationalization…

And it is everybody’s fault..work…happenstance…

But my own…

Why is someone in the middle…?

Why does everyone talk to everyone else..yet not talk to the person..it is all about…?

You know the one grinding..your gears…the one you point the finger at…

And say….”if they would…then I could”….

“without her here..I could have a happy family”….

So what does one do….?

Stay and deal with the madness thrown your way…all the time..

So all you do is protect and find a safe corner of the room…?

And in that..there is no space..or even a split second…to discover..how do I feel..?

I was told to make I statements..and I will…

Do you latch onto…the few breakthroughs…

And think..okay..this is worth..the tearing of me….

Or do you run..to the next sort of less insane place..and deal with another color of someones issues…

And be loving..bearing with it…?

Or do you sit here..hands a shaking…thinking…

And trying so hard to not feel….

To where the words in your head…come out of your mouth…

And they say…

“I never wanted to be here anyway….I never wanted this or that…and as a matter of fact..that either…”

No one asked me…it was told this is what you want…

And you learn to abide…

And then people comment…and say things like…

“you are so distant…far away”…

And one day…and I think it is close…because the hands are a shaking…

I am going to say…

You are right…I do not want to be here..

This is really annoying…

I do not want to share my space…

And the real person..does not like the touch …you call touch…

And those things I was handed…that I really did not want….

I became responsible for…and I did a good job…

yet was still beaten up….for not wanting them…the words I never spoke….

When did it become a crime…

To say this is not my wish….?

So what do we do…

Abide….?

Or suffocate…?

I tell you…I could not wait for morning….

Because I thought….

Oh today is the day….

I can pack up my sh..

And believe….that by thinking it…it will happen…

Not true…

Cause if so….

Why am I keep finding a way….

To abide in this SH..

When will it dawn on me…

I am not the bad guy….

Maybe it has….

And I am hoping I will not be stoned….

For giving a damn about myself….

Hmmm…

 

Advertisements

~ by HopeGlenn on October 8, 2014.

2 Responses to “Confusion….”

  1. feel love

    Like

  2. you are …

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

 
%d bloggers like this: