Fear….

What is fear…?

There is the cliche of…..

False Evidence Appearing Real”

Explain that to me….

Is it false…or is it real…?

And it the biggest fear we have..compounded on by events…. words….actions…that make the false evidence appear real….hmmmm…..

Made me think for a minute…

My greatest fear…..I thought..was of being alone…

But it is not that….

My greatest fear is what being alone says to this world….

AHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Stinky potato chips..if that did not take long enough….

So in essence..I keep damaging people about…so it appears I am not alone….

And I cannot stand myself….at times…

And those that I hang with are well…living lives that damage….

And like being that way…damaged and damaging….

I know…I know…

But hey..at least I am not alone….(stupidest statement I ever said)

And they do not have to face being alone….because then all the demons come and play….

Right when you go to sleep….

Right when you think of a great color to paint your bath…

Right when you are on the cusp of figuring out that problem….making a discovery….

Right then..

Right when you should tell your child NO….but say yes and how many…

And then go whip yourself…..with alcohol..drugs…sex….

It is like defeat to say…

I like the sound of my space….

Or I do not need all this crazy touch…

Admit it people we have made ourselves over stimulated….thinking we need….electric touch…over and over again….and it aint ever enough….

Like going down that road of…you know what….and it is scary what one will do for that 3 second rush…

That evaporates….in 10 seconds….

Oh..by the way..I have never been one to mince words….

It becomes blasphemy to say…

I work well alone….with others about…

But I am one who makes solo accomplishments….

And that is how I pass on my knowledge…

My heart is too soft…and easy to get into…

So distraction makes me forget about me….and pursue you….

And I think…

I cannot be alone….

I think I must have the person in my life who drinks way too much…

Who smokes way too much…

Who looks at me as a money source….

Rather than a companion….on this journey…

Who talks smack about me…when things are not done their way….

Who would rather be abused…and then abuse….and smile…

Then step out of the fray altogether….

Does that make you want to be sick….yep me too….

So on this discovery I am on….

I have left my job…

Because I cannot be abused….

And then those watching think I will be abused…

And make something up that makes me abusive….

Nor will I stay in a space…

Where my only value..if I have any….

Is to take the brunt…full force..of your desire to wound…

So I guess…I will roar a little bit louder…

How about a lot louder….

At least one cannot say…

I didn’t warn you….

 

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~ by HopeGlenn on September 30, 2014.

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