Faith Wavers….

Faith wavers…but at least I can admit it…

My faith in people..seems to always be on the shelf and space of…this is not going to be good…

And perhaps it is because…my past history makes me jaded….

Yet I am not entirely convinced…that is truth….except possibly in some rare moments of my stupidity…and I let my misconceptions of self..rule the thoughts and words…

The majority of it comes from experience…

I was asked the other day…why do I present so well…?

Why am I so sure…and able to explain who I am as this being..and have knowledge of my weakness and my strengths…?

And it did not take me a moment to answer….

I know me…I have set out to be the best I can be…

I know…sounds like a motivational speakers thoughts…

But it is true…and it has been the guiding course in my life…

Knowing me..and not letting the events of my life..form me into something..I was never created to be…

My goal..has been and always will be…to be what GOD..created me to be..

The being of such splendor and majesty..created in His image…

And not the world…

Because in all honesty..too much of this world stinks…more than my nose can bear…

And this is where my faith wavers….

When I cast my eyes upon mankind..and hope they will..shall we say..step up to the plate and be well…human…beings…

I find my faith shaking like the trees raging in the thunderstorms…almost panicking because who knows when the blow will come…

And when one wavers in faith..one wavers in self image..not self awareness…

And the image becomes tight and constricted..and awfully brutal…and it is hard to come out of that really dark space…

You see yourself as ugly..one of no value..purposeful…and easily able to be the last one considered in everything..and responsible for all that goes wrong…

And you believe people…

So sad…

Instead of believing God…

And my word…how the head drops…

As one views themselves through selfish human beings..seeking self….

Might as well as take a bullet to the head…and that is about what they ask…

So they..can keep about..with their tasks of greed..and self purpose…

And I took the bullet…

I believed…and it almost was my last breathe….

And I sit here and write this…faith wavers…

But I thought this..as my chin is not so close to my chest..and my eyes are looking a bit up…

And there is a daisy in my sight line…

Lifting its head towards the heavens..towards its Creator…and it belieevs it is majestic and has a purpose…

Then so must I…

So must I move aside from the “opinion”..and seek what I am…

Even if it means..leaving behind…those that speak of love and grand gestures..of illusion…

Because how can one persist..and why should one persist…with those who enjoy…

Faith Wavering….?

 

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~ by HopeGlenn on June 10, 2014.

One Response to “Faith Wavers….”

  1. hi…

    you know what I do when my faith wavers, i think about how I can help people and then I go off and do it. Whatever you can do, even if its just picking up some litter or smiling or giving the guy on the street your cup of coffee and smoking a cigarette with him.

    Soon my heart is working again, and then when I see it is, I am grateful and……

    I remember those words from Indiana Jones and the last crusade….

    “only the penitent man shall pass”

    I kneel…. šŸ˜‰

    Like

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