51 feels like 31….seriously…

I was…and by the way..will always be..the mother of four sons…

Hold on a second..my breathe just caught in my throat…four sons..who now….all look like gigantic beauties carved from some priceless gem…

here at 51..I feel like I am 21..31…

More like 31 because at that age my youngest was just cresting on the hill of about to be two…and the oldest was about to be six…that is the span of time between the first and the last…

Now back to the point…

I am still that person….

Still trying to figure out…

Why am I so tired…?

What the heck is that on my clothes..?

Why can I not remember what I came into this room for…?

Why do I still take a minute and a half showers…?

And why does everything I do..remind me of the sweet smelling days of running with toddlers…?

There is not much difference between me then and me now…

No less anxious..

No less concerned about how to coordinate work and time with my significant other…

No less concerned or preoccupied…how I will make dinner..and have time to run to the store and get the milk..I have only thought about getting for four days now…

No less noticing of my body changing from having babies…age does similar things….

And that which I thought was ugly or caused my body to not be attractive..are still myths I carry in my mind..and no one else…

I am still that same woman looking in the mirror…no beauty has been lost..actually some gained..

Only difference is this…I really like me now…

I like the mind..which has so many things going on in it right now..it will explode..and all the ideas..dreams..and desires will play out in front of me…

And age has nothing to do with it…

I am just getting started….

The body..that created four sons..who by the way are BEAUTIFUL…..

Still is beautiful…

It may have a couple of extra pounds…and some things have attempted to go South..but that is reality…nothing like a walk and a bike ride wont remedy…or even a day of fruit….

My eyes are still a sparkling blue..

I still snort when I laugh…and just like when I was 31..little things escape…age did not make that happen…

My smile is still as dynamic…

And my seriousness has not abated….

Loss..grief..disaster..and abuse…has not abated my love…and my knowledge that I can change things…

I do every day of my life….

I am still the mother of four sons..Brendan..Donovan..Alexander..and Nolan….

I am my father…Frances Thomas Albrecht’s daughter…

I am my mother Charlotte Joan Carroll’s daughter….

I am a sister…

I am a partner…

I am a co-worker…

And in each..no less or better than I was in younger years…

I still run my house the same…clean..and comfortable….putting your feet on my sofa..is accepted…

I still read the same things..and have tried to venture out..but I still stick to books about the human condition….

I live today…and tend not to worry as much about tomorrow…

Things will come as needed…

They always have…always will…

People will like me..and love me..or they wont…

And I have no hand in any of that…

I must be me…

I must like me…

I must love me….

In every thought back of yesterday…

Would not change a thing….

No regrets…

I was me…

And that in itself is a feat..one should find worthy to love…

Advertisements

~ by HopeGlenn on June 4, 2014.

One Response to “51 feels like 31….seriously…”

  1. Sounds like the Mandy I 1st met. 🙂

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

 
%d bloggers like this: