What is left behind…

Finally being in the field…of work..I have desired for many years…

I find myself wondering…what impact..what effect..if any..do these actions provide…?

A question I ask myself..as I sit for a moment..and watch a resident/client…slip into a moment of stillness…where the body knows nothing but rest…

And many of my co-workers will say to me…

It is about time they are quiet..and all they do is sleep…

And I have to pause..and rewind the words flung so carelessly out of one’s mouth…and hear what is being said…

How is being trapped in a body..contorted…diseased…and unable to function for the simplest of tasks resting…and quiet..?

We tend to look at those we care for in nursing homes..rehabilitation centers…hospitals…etc…as ninnies who just want attention…

How does that come about…?

How does care become a wrench to slam someone over the head with..mock another…?

Just a question I asked myself…

And clinical/lab was the best for me….because got to feel..in an inkling..what it felt like..and I did not like it for a second…

Because I thought..this cannot be too hard…it will not be too bad…changing another..feeding another..brushing teeth of another….right..?

I mean it is like taking care of your baby right…?

Not even close….

Not even in the ballpark…

Not written in any book…or even a movie…

The body in a fight to control itself…panics…

And care given..to a body in panic…

Is like brushing the teeth of a polar bear…mighty risky..and usually brings one to tears…for the heart takes on the wound…

When we “practiced”…I revolted….odd huh…

Someone placing food in my mouth..looking away..and having it dribble down my chin…humiliating….and I could not even decide what I wanted to eat..

It was eat this or else…much worse than we tell our cute..sweet smelling babies…those we tell cute lies to…

Threats to these people are reality…

Having my teeth brushed…

Made me fight every urge to clamp down on that toothbrush and tell my classmate to take a hike…

Because I did not want her to see..my broken teeth..and missing teeth from abuse…days gone by…

And no one cares..not even the one who says they love you…

And in this journey..I am not leaving…I fly solo….continuing to be the odd duck…

In a field that requires partnership..a duo..team effort…

I have to sit with this….

Few care…

Few will give dignity…

Or even an ear…

Few will stop and tend to the call bell…ringing twenty times the last five minutes….

Sort of like the few that will actually love..without a list of excuses..as to why they act like fools…

And I wonder….

Will these steps…make a difference…

Will it come back around for them…for me..?

Will I one day..be in the bed..sad..sad..beds…being frozen in my own body..having my diaper changed..and being ignored…

While the rest of the world…the world I was lived in…

Place more value on a lunch break…a time to talk about people..we have no business talking about…

And giving excuses..as to why…

They should appreciate wearing a diaper…

They should appreciate having food shoved down their throat…

They should appreciate…the small..miniscule attention we provide…

Because candy land..candy crush..whatever….has just bumped me up a level…

And well…that is important right…?

 

 

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~ by HopeGlenn on April 29, 2014.

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