Trying to be fluffy…

Trying to be light and fluffy…like some pancake or biscuit..we all have been told we can make…

Just do this…

And it is not working…

Rolling with the punches…

Trying not to be dependent..

Trying to not make another co-dependent…

What does that mean anyway…?

I guess I am really tired of these terms…

And wish people would just be people…

And that is a scary thought at best…

Working in the field I do..shows human behavior in variations…

And it made me think…

We are all dependent…or co-dependent…

We just hide it better…

The need to be accepted..found attractive..especially as one ages..is seen..

Trying to gain the attention of a much younger person…

Despite the fact..the love of your life…is right next to you…

And honestly..one would forget how to breath..without their prompting…

Odd is it not..?

Engaging in things..you would not normally do…

To make another happy..or feel like they have gained more of your trust..or space in your heart…

And then the next day..when the only reflection is you in the mirror…

You feel kind of empty…and speak the words…

“What do I want…What do I feel..”…?

Kind of backwards do you not think….

And this is when you think…

Am I doing this because I have a liking for it..or only because they like it…?

And we have become so accustomed to living with people’s neuroses…and made them pretty…

That we do not even know right from wrong…you have lost the dance steps…

I have lost my own dance steps..and the courage to speak about what I want…

And been told how committed I am to a us…

But then I noticed I am not committed to a me…

And the next thought you had was…

I should be looking towards the betterment of all..not me…

But then what about me…

Do I serve as an empty shell…?

Am I created for acts that one wishes to do..because the frame is pleasing…?

How can I do anything…

When all choices into my life..are your choices…

And most go against the part of me..still alive…

Tell me how…?

I wonder sometimes..

What is the point of me..

If all I am programmed to do..is to be pleasing and workable for you…?

And does anyone grasp..take in for a second…the battle…the war raging inside..

For many..to succumb…to the dark…

Because how possible is it..and when will it be okay…to be…

Light…

Not fluffy like pancakes….

Not floaty like the biscuits…

Not sugar sweet like cotton candy…

But alive…

And not have it twisted…

And used…

And me thinking..that thing..that hurt..burns…

Was not okay…

And one is fighting..fighting…

To want..desire..to stay alive…

Which is hard to do…when you are watching..

Pieces of you…breaking off…being thrown away..like they be nothing but trash…

 

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~ by HopeGlenn on April 21, 2014.

2 Responses to “Trying to be fluffy…”

  1. sounds like your compromising your idenity again. have not heard from you for sometime. give me a shout (hugs)

    Like

    • you are correct…I am..but changing that as I speak…
      No cell phone my friend…only email…working..I will send an email…let you know the latest and greatest…as always..I struggle..but I am happy to struggle and stay in the light than play in the stink…

      Like

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