Back to the same ole..same ole…

I wondered about that lately..

The programmed life…

This is what we are to be doing…

When…where..and how…

Give our life..all of our energy…to work..organized rituals..and thoughts…

The endless list of things we must do..and how they must be done…

More than anything else..

Rather than live…

It is like living fills in the spaces..blocks of time..in between the stuff..we make…well God..

Let’s see..I can squeeze you in..between..1 and 2…but not a second longer…

And by the way..this is what can be done..and only this..can be done..

And do not make me remind you…that I run this mess…

Sound familiar..?

It suddenly hit me..as I was spacing out my day…panicking..of missing a detail or two…

What am I doing..?

I can tell you one thing..it aint living…

Especially if I am analyzing…and stresses over an event..a wonderful event..and trying to figure out…how long will this last..did this happen the way it should…am I doing this right..what do they think..why am I thinking this…just a bit crazy…

And it is scaring me…

Because I expect things to fall into line..because I think I got some great big handle on them…

Like I make the Earth tilt on its axis…my way…

Pause..rewind..just a few paces back…

I have to appreciate what I am…

I have to see the being brought into existence…

I have to see..this sky today..and the shape of the bark..curving up this tree..

And I have to be so daring as to go and touch it..and breathe…take it all in..

Even the part..that scares..I have no control over…

Like feeling..that suddenly goes from…0 to a zillion in two seconds…

Because it was all locked inside…and I opened the door…from the box of keys that scare me…

Because I think..how did I do..how long will this last..hey hey..go back..I did not get to check that off in order…

I am scared I will not pass this…get this..be enough..(and that is the zinger of it all right there..in those words…”will I be enough”)…

And I am right…

I will not pass this..get this..any goal I am attempting to accomplish…

If I am not willing to stop doing this..to turn and do this…

Because the whole desire..the want..to do this…

Came from the desire…we all have..the deep deep space inside..protected..and warm…

To live…

And remember..that all this..all the stuff…will not happen…

Unless we turn the light on..in the room..the one at the end of the hallway…and start cleaning the dust off the heart..the chipped..broken being…

With your name…

I wonder if you remember them…?

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~ by HopeGlenn on January 27, 2014.

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