Oh the quilt….

I have lost count of the quilts I have made for others….and even for others that did not deserve it….

Here is an example..no one deserves a quilt from you..if she is having an affair with your husband….

You are in a sad place…when you make a quilt for the mistress…to make her feel better….

It also shows you have a huge heart…despite the fact it is a bit deluded at the moment..and does not understand the love between a man and a woman…

I can give all sorts of reasoning’s to support why I thought this way or was so naive about relationships…

Mom left early on…and I do not blame her..I lived with my dad….

My dad had distorted relationships with his children..so that was a level I could not venture too…and it became my lifting off point for detachment….

Was crazy about my high school sweetheart…but I had trust issues and I found it hard to believe him when he said he loved me….go figure…

My brother..best friend was murdered….and I had not been able to look in his eyes..except four years before from the door of a foster home…

Despite all that..things that formed some of my thoughts..but had little bearing on my heart structure..except the one event of my brother…..and in the moment..after I made a quilt for my youngest son…I found my hands piecing together one for his mistress….

Maybe it was to show her..I was not the woman described…

I am not sure…but it began a journey which brought me to MY QUILT……

Pink..green…yellow…soft greys….

I sewed and sewed strips together…random movement….I just knew I liked the way they looked and felt..you know inside…

They were all the colors that made me smile..and brought warmth..even to the coldest of memories…

The colors always replaced seeing my brother like cement in a box…to the smile that always covered his face…he was love..and will always be….

I cut the strips up and then started piecing them back together in a random way….made no sense at the time…but they sure do now….

Feels like my life..cut and torn all apart…and then it all makes sense..because I am whole…complete…

I wanted it long and wide..so I could wrap every inch of the 5″ 9″ frame into it…and disappear in a sea of pink….woohoo….because I look good in pink….

I knew I had to piece it together..strip upon strip to separate..the constant color line..something had to give the eye pause..so it could reflect….

I looked at fabrics…soft flat greys..then thought green and nothing fit…..kind of like empire waist dresses on me…just make me look like I am pregnant….and at 51..not the best look….

So one night..as I am contemplating and searching through my fabrics to make a very kind friend of mine a quilt for Christmas….sshhhhh…do not tell them….

I found this fabric..I had bought online..a risky thing for me to do..I am what you call a fabric toucher…that is how I know..it needs to come home with me….

So I bought it…and as soon as I got it…well I loved it..

Dove grey..with heirloom blooms of white on it….the perfect way to soften the lines of strips..and big bold patterns on some prints…..it smoothed out every wrinkle..crinkle and crease…it made me smile…and I remembered things from long ago…

Things like grape Popsicle and water hoses and being chased around the house in the summer heat….

Things like babies being born and sons marrying..and grandchildren….and me…51..and saying out loud…I got it..I know what to do….those sort of things…that no one has to get but you….

Like brothers and sisters…and sons and daughters….and life…oozing out of everything..even as we approach Fall….

So I sewed strips on..in between the bigger..bolder strips and then bordered it in various sizes of strips…

And I have to say..I done good….

I did something huge..even though to others…I have barely done a thing….

In this quilt..I spoke my own voice…

I defined God..the way God has been talking to me….

My head has raised…and I no longer see dead ends..I see a future..and I am looking forward to the work I will do to get there..

Because it involves pleasing no one..or getting another’s approval…it means just doing it….and I know it is right…and I love being 51…who would have thunk….

It sits across my lap now..as I write…and it is the last thing I look at before I rest for the night….

It is healing..and teaching me so much…

And I did not do it because I was trying to prove anything to anyone…make them believe anything…

I created….and prospered love..I made a hurt mend…not just me..but someone else..someone who I do not know…

I crinkle up in a smile…because it feels like God is wrapping His arms about me….and I get love..I really get it…

I cannot hate..nor can I abide the act of hate….but I can mend..speak..create..hold dear..even when no one else does….

Now it is time for the back….

Get ready..another journey begins….

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~ by HopeGlenn on October 22, 2013.

One Response to “Oh the quilt….”

  1. This touched me in a way I was not expecting…I simply cannot say more…

    thank you.

    Like

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