How the hearts enacts it’s essence….

I have given many moments to how we achieve thoughts..perceptions..belief about self…what we hold to be truths about self….and how they run us into motion…in every thought and action….

I have noticed that we perceive certain things to be true….

Young people…do not have a clue…..

Homeless people are mentally ill…

Mothers are the cause of all ills…all wrongs which happen….

Elderly are stupid….and useless in society….

Blonds are stupid…no common sense and well loose….

People need priests..preachers…pastors…a big church building…to find God…and know right from wrong….

These are some things that came to mind…and I am sure you can think of a few things…..

The reason I bring this subject as a point in this blog…is this….

Why do we lean in the tendency of belief and then action…simply from what we see…and usually goes against everything we feel….?

I found God in a closet…as a five year old girl..hiding from her daddy…begging God to make him…daddy pass me by….not through any verse, counselor or church…I felt it in my heart….

How do we believe the angry words of a parent..in annihilation of another parent….and throw away all that we know to be truth about the one destroyed….for pocket change…?

How do we look at those who have come before us…fought wars we cannot even describe and dealt with issues…indescribable…and make them….useless…?….disposable….?….abuse material…?…garbage…?…invisible…?

I did it for awhile..believed words instead of what was right in front of my eyes….

So I get it for about…two minutes…then it is game on….

And that is when I ran for my life….And it cost me everything I believed to be life…

And I had to mourn the lie…and those who chose to believe the lie…

And the sadness that overwhelms me is this….

Until one seeks to pull themselves out of the pit of…..(well you know)…and fight like hell…for truth….not one described by anyone else….but the truth hidden deep within oneself….then all is lost….and nothing will succeed….

It will be a climb up a cliff..with every sharp..snagging snare….and wounds one never thought could be there…are present…like the sky above….always stays present…

I stayed in the pit for a long time….longer than I like to admit…and maybe I needed to stay there….

But I needed to find out some truths….

I do not need anyone..no building..no ritual…no church filled person…to see God..to talk with God..to know how God feels about me…I know it…I just have to take it in..and hold it close…

I do not need anyone to validate that my father was a monster…and at fifteen I ran for my life…

I did not need anyone to tell me that I had in essence married my father…and he was a cruel..jealous man…who made sure my noncooperation..was punished with the poisoning of young hearts…and what I held dear was taken away….

And no one needs to tell him he was and is doing something that is wrong and has life…permanent…damaging consequences…he knows…and those are things he can deal with and chooses….he knows the cost…

And those young hearts decided they liked the pocket change and the power behind causing pain…than love…and took the lie on for the truth….

I did not need anyone…to show me…that we as a society have created something we do not want to wrangle with….ourselves…

We do not want to believe…that we place more value on our ego..and appearances…than we ever will about mending the tears we create….

We do not want to believe that we need a building with the right music to remind us on Sunday..that we make many oops….and oh yes…we are ignoring people…and the crumbling of our world…but hey we have our techo phone….

WE do not want to believe that the solution..the answer…is right here..sitting beside us..living within us…speaking to us through our hearts..the things we numb everyday….

We want to believe it is some huge action…and it is a huge action with such little movement…

It is like me believing I had value..I did an excellent job…and I ran for my life to get away from the lie…

It is like remembering that parent…that fumbled…but did everything in love….and succeeded….

It is like sitting..or slowly walking with what we view as the useless in society…

It is like hoping…and believing…that when we stumble…fall short of all expectations…that someone…will still be there…hand extended…arms to hug with and tears to heal…..

Like God…which we all carry within us…who picks you up…when you choose the wrong thing…who says your name..when everyone else forgets it…who walks the same steps you do…

Who hopes in every part of his being..that we..you..me..see value..substance…in…well the things that light rarely falls on…in all the glorious mistakes of being human..and seeking….

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~ by HopeGlenn on October 17, 2013.

2 Responses to “How the hearts enacts it’s essence….”

  1. Still trying to figure out this wordpress thing, but I moved my blog here. Btw, it’s Liz from the bar. 🙂

    Like

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