Brittle….

I found myself weary today..tonight..while I worked…with well my favorite coworker…and the weariness was not from them…the weariness was because they allowed me..in their unknown way..to see..what I had been accepting…

I have been giving clearance to behavior…and making it the norm…like that is just the way it is…

Like loving someone..and not giving them the truth..because we are way too concerned about upsetting our child..or being politically correct…or telling someone..enough is enough…or looking like the odd man out….

I have been the odd one out…for well forever…

Ghetto child..poverty living..lice in the hair..killed with kerosene…and father who forgot he had children…

And yet all the events..have not allowed me to veer off course…not even a little…I remain me…

And this world requires and takes..through our allowance..a huge toll..on those who well buck the system…

And that is why I am weary….

Because we must see the pain..the anguish that moves through anothe’rs eyes when we remind them that we are better than them…and they are doing it all wrong..each mistake paraded in front of them…like we already don’t know each and every one of them…yep..I needed a poster and a t shirt..just in case I forgot…

We must see the scrambling…to remember something good about oneself….as one is ripped to shreds because one had to wait five minutes for your food…and I had to interrupt your conversation to refill your beverage…

We must see the ache..of a parent..who has been removed from their children..because they would not cooperate with the lies…and know..they will never see their children again…and watch them spin in circles…thinking..how did this happen…? …what is going on…?

We must see the shut down happen in the eyes and body..just to survive..one simple day in this world…and this is the norm…

Weariness..grief…

And you have to find a way through…not just to make it..and toughen up the armor…

But to feel again…and remember what the norm used to be…

Like when a handshake meant something…

And you kept your word…no matter what the sacrifice..you followed through…

We did not lie..cheat..and steal as normal activities…that come as easily as dialing a number…or compare who could pull off the best one..or hurt someone the most…because we did not like them…

And you were popular..and I am using that word loosely…because you cared about people..and a hard worker…not because you created the biggest scandal..stole someones spouse…or had the most money…

We did not occupy our minds and time with…toilet paper put on backwards…or….you fill in the blank………

We filled them with listening..actually listening..not interjecting our words…to finish statements….

Actually looking at someone..just looking..not deducing or reducing….you know connection…

Too many..like me tonight..wanted to go have a drink..because I wanted to forget…just forget the day..or the last couple of days…

And I do not want to forget…

That someone yelled at me..and called me names..and my coworker because out of eleven people..she was not served first..so she spent the evening instigating hurt…

I do not want to forget..that a short time ago..I had a great loss…and it really stings…and I miss them so..that I do not have the words….honestly….no words…

I do not want to forget..the smiles and the thank you I received for just being there…

I do not want to forget..that I am struggling with God..again….surprise huh…

That I am fighting the method of putting God in a pretty box..dressed up the way I think God should operate….

I do not want to forget..that I am still in the palm of His hand…my name on His lips…and He..God is right there with me..even right now..as I should be sleeping…and telling me I have to pause..to heal…and I am being shown a way…

And tomorrow..I do not want to go to work..cause I do not feel like being punched again..and everyone seems so angry…

But I will be there..and I will smile..and remember there is something for me to do there…

Someone to make eye contact with…

Someone to remind that they have value….even if it is something we all should know…but it gets stomped out of us…

Someone to reassure they have a glorious purpose here….something only they can do…

Somehow..some way…to find the way back…

Even if it is overgrown..and brambles line the path…and we think there is a wild beast lurking in there somewhere…

I am going to try…..

Maybe you could too……

Advertisements

~ by HopeGlenn on June 1, 2013.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

 
%d bloggers like this: