Holy Monday….

I find this interesting….titles…

Today begins or actually last night began Holy Week….Today is Holy Monday…

It is wet outside..not cold..yet a bit dreary….but so very green….it is hard to not appreciate the splendor when it is so beautiful in color and fullness….

In my readings..my moments of prayer…I saw the theme..thought of humility throughout all the words…

Humility is a word many have a problem with…it is like being meek…one tends to believe they will be the doormat..walked all over…yet it is really something quite different…it is a quietness in strength..it is not boastful..knows its limitations…it does not center itself in raging..theatrical shows..in an attempt to disguise the chaos surrounding it and every pore of its being….

Palms made into crosses were handed out in church on Holy Sunday…as one left and received the blessing…and my hand today fingers the palm…and I see humility written all through it…

A palm..is smooth..no sharp edges…it does not flair up..boast…scream for attention nor feel it deserves the attention..it goes about doing what it is meant to do…

It is pliable..bendable…and can be part of most anything….in this instance it is a cross….an ultimate..concrete visual of humility..

Humility understands where to go and where not to go…

Humility understands when to step away and when to go forward….

Humility knows when to listen to words and let them seep into us and be rooted…and when to glance words off of us with the tenacity of a ping pong ball….

Humility knows truth…and it knows lies…and it spends no time in deceiving oneself…or making an illusion for others…

Humility lets what belongs to another..be theirs..it does not steal…or take away or poison…because humility is strong in truth…real truth..not the truth we fabricate to justify..make okay our actions…

And this became a solid point for me last night…

I spend too much time fuming…inside of me…fuming about things I know to be wrong..and I do not think any would argue with me…but hating and being pissy is always easier than hugging someone..until you actually hug someone….

And we spend the time fuming….and hating because it scares us..whatever it is…because we know there is truth in that thing we spit at…

So on this Holy Monday..I bring humility to the plate….

I am humbled and know that there is an evil I am not meant to wrangle with..and if I keep playing there..keep trying in my finite…minute thought to solve this..I will go farther and farther down the path of self hate and deception…and it is such a waste of my time..

Because as long as I stay there…and oh how some would like me to stay there…I am going to destroy myself and others…and I will never see the truth in it..

Truth that I did a good job in this and that..and it is time to acknowledge what I am..and what I am not…and know..God will take care of it…and that makes me humble…

Humility acknowledges my fragility..my place in this world..arenas meant for the holy God…demons He will wrangle with…and it is time for me to hide in the shelter of God…because I have done my time..I have done what I need to do..and I cannot control or make anyone do anything..only me…and that is the trueness..the definition of humility…

Like the palm…pliable..bendable..smooth…quiet…it speaks for itself…without the loud show…boasting…or constant stealing of another….life…

It does not cause one to continually pick up the pieces..or realign…or have to go back to the mirror and say 50 times a day..I am okay…or make me look to see if I can remember what I am under all that stuff…

Humility takes my breath away….

How has God traversed with me..with all the blunders I have accomplished in my life..some errant thought..of I know best….

God has traversed with me..because He loves me..a concept many fail to grasp or use like a weapon of mass destruction..

God’s love and endurance with me..is a reflection of my endurance with Him…of sticking through it all when I thought I could not see the truth..and not because it was some great puzzle..it was because I was swallowed up in pride..and really thought I could handle it all….

In humility I hand over my sons to Him…I cannot fight that evil anymore…and I never could..that is what caused the problem…

In humility I hand over control..abuse..and manipulation…

In humility I hand over my false images of self…lies…and look to the heavens…and no where else…and I keep bumping into God….

In humility I hand over my heart…that in truth..does not believe love exists…but then I come from an odd world…and in little breathable moments..God reveals it…

I am humbled because I am still able to be here…Parkinson’s..spinal damage and a messed up jaw…and I still stand up straight…and get to make older people sounds….

I am humbled because the demons of childhood are placed away…not gone..just tossed out to sea…and not able or allowed..because God deems it so..to hurt me anymore…

And I am humbled because I realized last night..I am not so bad..and I say that with a crooked smile…and there are things I need to do….and and and…I am doing them…..

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~ by HopeGlenn on April 29, 2013.

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