Momentum in Faith….

It takes so little of one’s energy….one’s thought to place faith in action…it involves a basic trust of self…something we tend not to have…

We have been trained or perhaps assisted is the better word…in believing we are incapable of finding what is best for our souls..our beings…and we cover it all…smother ourselves with what everyone else well believes…

I think perhaps if we could break through all the emotional chatter in our heads…and place ourselves separate for a moment..we would not place ourselves in the predicaments we are in…

Situations where we wonder how we got here…how did I become so angry…?

How did I get here to where I think drugging and drinking was a way of life…and do I really consider that living..?

Where did the belief originate that I am too old for that…and there is never a time too late to turn your life around and walk in the other direction…

When did we start trusting those who treat us carelessly….and push those away…making them the enemy…those who speak love to us in action and deed…?

When did we forget to lift our eyes up..and see the sky…breathe in and cherish the fact we still have that ability…?

Why did we choose strife over peace…pain over hope…and find ourselves of such importance..that we can inflict damage upon another…because we feel like it….

When did we stop seeking God…the counsel of wisdom and think everything was more important than that…?

I stand at the precipice of a new life…literally a new life….

At 50 I am to be baptized…old life goes away…buried…and new life begins…probably the best decision I have ever made…

I also embark on a journey…in a way..and a manner of life I have never known….

It will be one of service to family….through every moment…it will be love…support..hope grown and faith stretched….

It is not the normal pattern of my life….or for that matter…the place of a 50 year old woman…

I have known much despair and heartache….more abuse than this world needs to hold…

I am divorced…a mother who does not know how her children are…I have few in my family alive….and I have nothing but the few material goods I have collected…which will soon be in the lives of others…bringing them the same smiles they brought me…

In the world’s view I should be rocking grandchildren…celebrating a long marriage..have a house filled with goods to the ceiling….yet somehow that was not my path….and it makes me smile…

I am scared…and my chest tightens and I fidget and try to find something to distract me when I think about this journey….

Simply because it is the unknown…I have known few people who have wanted my company…endured with me…

Yet I sit still and feel this..and look about me..and think..of whom these precious gifts I was given can go to…and be blessed by them….

I embark..on this new space..and I do not need anything but my clothes…toiletries…and God…

I go to be somewhere..I knew existed…experience a love…I am trying to believe in…the love I give….

And know…I must step forward…and do the thing I never knew…have no clue about…except in the deep warm soul of my being..and believe the words..I never expected to hear….

It is time…to step forward…and trust…and sink into what I know is reality…God has shown me…and to not allow what I am supposed to do..or the world thinks this 50 year old woman is supposed to be doing….

I ask for prayers…and thoughts….and hope you will join me on this journey….and remember the grace and mercy of God…in all our lives…and not be afraid of what God wants to give us…and how we are saved…from our futility of seeking this world….

Grace I ask for…and grace I give…may you know the peace I have finally found…..

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~ by HopeGlenn on January 7, 2013.

One Response to “Momentum in Faith….”

  1. This is so weird…I got baptized on Fathers day 2012…which was actually my second time…weird because like you I wondered what change it would bring…and seeing you take this same kind of journey makes me laugh a little…you freakin inspire me with this post.

    You have no idea how much I truly mean that…I thought my own journey to abandon my trinkets and history was an isolated event, a flux, an anomaly…you prove me wrong by taking the same journey not many days hence.

    You have made a believer out of me.

    Like

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