Restoration….

We all know the book in the Bible of Ruth…..

How a daughter in law…after the death of her husband..and the death of her sister in law’s husband…she became the servant..of Naomi…her mother in law….

She was displaced from her homeland..when she married…lost her husband…saw her sister in law lose her husband..and watched her mother in law grieve the death of her children….

Naomi told her daughter in law’s to return to their home…she knew they were young and would like to marry again..have families…find happiness again…one returned to her home..yet Ruth did not…

She spoke some profound words…to Naomi…words of commitment..even though she could not see past the moment in time..or what was around the corner…she had compassion upon Naomi..and knew where she belonged…

Compassion…now that is a word..a bit unfamiliar in this time..Compassion…to give thought to another…to see their plight..to give concern…to aid…to sacrifice part of one’s comfort..to be there for another….

I have had the words of compassion spoken to me..compassion..released upon me…that I feel like a tidal wave has hit me…yet my head is not under water..and I am not flailing about…

I will admit..it is a mighty unusual feeling..compassion..when one truly bestows it upon another…and the compassion I received came from the most unlikely place ever…my true family…not the children I made…or the man I married…but through a sibling…I thought was lost to me forever…

I came to this place I resideat unwillingly….I came to this place through lies told to me and my sons…it is the place I lost my sons…had everything taken from me..met some truly evil people…and some truly holy people…and began the fight for my life..the fight to find the truth of God…and to deal with the issues of my past…pathways that formed my steps..my actions…and until I faced them..instead of numbing them..I would never heal..would never see truth..and I had to allow others to have that same option…

It is not an easy thing to lose family..to have your family torn asunder..have it destroyed…and to run for your life…

It is not an easy thing to sit alone..deep in a dark forest…alone…walking through utter darkness…and finding God…and clinging to Him..with everything…

It is not easy..to have your children turn against you…and to know they might never return..and in truth I was okay with them never returning to me..my heart..my concern was them turning to God…

It is not easy having someone you married..be vile to you..and find every possible way to trip you up…

It is not easy..being sick..having a disease..and have to deal with it..feel it..all on your own…

I have been here..and and at one point hated it..not so now..I just know I do not belong…it is not my home…

God does not ask us to live in constant misery…to be in despair…

God ask us to bear suffering…to bear the burdens of this world..to be a servant out there in the world…yet God does not ask for our destruction…

God asks for us to give everything to Him..and to understand that the release of everything to him..is the ultimate gift to us…and at that point we receive everything..

By me being angry…and I was..I held back all that God wanted to do..I knew better…

I hung out with people…who I thought were my only hope..I would perish without them..yet God still provided for me…in ways that made no sense…despite my disobedience…

And then the day came..where suddenly the doors were opened wide..trumpets blared…sunshine was so bright…and it came..while it was so dark..I saw no future..I was being swallowed by the whale…

It came through three words to God..”I am sorry”…

Everything made sense…I understand fear and reverence of God…light came into my life…and attachment to things…that I thought were my savior…was gone…

And at the moment..the very moment..I uttered those words..and released my death grip on things…and people…I received the greatest gift ever…family…

I sent out a Christmas card..never expecting a reply..thinking they did not care…

And then one day..through a letter..mercy was bestowed upon me..one whom truly did not deserve it…had plundered into my own destruction way too often…yet made a stand..a declaration..that no matter what..no matter how this went down…left alone on the side of the street..starving..and bleeding I would follow God..

And then life appeared…the letter was from my sister…and then a call…a voice that asked me..to be with her..a voice..that had travelled the same roads I had…funny huh…was dealt the same blows I had been dealt…came to the same pivotal point I had in life…pleading for the mercy of God…and mercy happened…

A woman..my sister..who offered her love to me..who told me of her love..her healing…and asked me..to be part of that..

Her home to make me secure..her arms and hands to make me steady…her laughter to bring back a smile…her knowledge and desire to aid..to help me along this journey…

And I remembered words I spoke in a prayer…God please can I have a family…?..can you heal me..restore me..and bring peace to me…and use me for your works…your will not mine…

And it all happened because I had the courage..to listen to God..to follow His promptings…to believe I would not be on the side of the road..starving…

It came in a letter…from one I thought was dead…

And I realized…that we both..in some unfathomable way.. a way that does not make sense way…had been given life…

And we get to do this life..walking with God..reflecting on Naomi and Ruth…

Where thou goes..I go…your people are my people…

I will care for you..and you for me…

And when you fall..I will be there to pick you up…

You will not have to deal with this alone…

And we will walk in God’s will…

And I am finally home…

And I remember two girls..riding a bike…one on the handlebars…and blackberries…and giggles…and tears…as we touch each other’s face…

Because God does hear the cries of our heart…He heals wounds that we believe have no possibility to heal…He shelters his children…He makes the impossible happen…

Because of words I spoke…from my soul..”I am sorry…I am your servant…”

And I bow my head…and humbly give thanks…

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~ by HopeGlenn on January 4, 2013.

One Response to “Restoration….”

  1. This is very interesting, You are a very skilled blogger. I’ve joined your feed and look forward to seeking more of your fantastic post. Also, I have shared your site in my social networks!

    Like

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