I noticed….

Noticing..takes skill..times time..pointed..given freely attention…something one rarely if ever gives another and if honest not much to ourselves…

If we did…we would notice..hear..see what we were saying or trying to get ourselves to get across to us…but sometimes that seems like the impossible task..the one thing to do on the ” to do ” list…like cleaning the bathroom..or emptying the dishwasher..it happens right before the show falls and true chaos ensues…

So I have sat back..and spent time in noticing..paying attention…watching what makes me tick..and why..and why others..and things make me tick..and it is an alerting..defining moment..when one realizes..others make your world go round and round…

How you sleep..what you eat…how you dress…what you say…what you believe…what you post on those social networking sites…

O Sitting back..and noticing…makes me see….

And this is what I discovered….

I lose friends when I said Jesus is God…and he was not married…and too many use God as the fail point when life does not go according to our glorious plans…including me..and all that does is separate us from God even more and make us haughtier…

I discovered that friends will do drugs no matter what the cost..no matter how it wounds..what job it will lose..what friendship it will affect..no matter how many justifications we tell the person we are with whispered through dirty lips…it is done in selfishness…

I have discovered that I gave my time to making people happy through my size..my looks..by what I gave them..and when it came to dealing with the events of life..and love entered…they had no idea of that subject matter..and we all flailed about in the deep end of the pool…

And I have discovered that I did love…and love is not cute sayings…not even close..it is not fluffy and has no cure…it is the most indescribably challenging… utterings..on your face…breathless…every second of every day actions of one’s life….And it is something I will choose over and over again….even though my sons have not spoken to me in six years…even then…

I have discovered that we are all seeking..and have ambled down too many dark pathways…believing too many lies…we all are gifted..with talents..and we lose them to pursue the popularity of this world…and I hope..my prayer is that we find..what we were established here for…and it sure is not game shows…

I have discovered..through voice…and not because of my body failing rapidly to a disease…but because I am tired of lies and one hand hiding something behind someone’s back…

I discovered that time is running out…I have a voice…sort of..I forgot how to answer the phone yesterday…cognitive ability is starting to run low…six hours spent cutting out a pattern which would take me half an hour…well it can make one think…

And I want to make sure…well..making sure is not really the words…I want to know..that when my mind goes..in a sense..that my heart…my spirit..has got it..it knows what is important…it made the end goal..it continued to seek…

I Loved…

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~ by HopeGlenn on December 12, 2012.

8 Responses to “I noticed….”

  1. To truly listen is a skill one may try to master a lifetime and still not get the subtle parts, just right. It is a path as you know we must choose…. The beauty is choice and many never choose anything. Allowing your self to love can be harder and sometimes harder still is allowing yourself to be loved..I do mean allow and with open heart. We know the risks of that, but that is the dangerous part , that which makes the heart beat faster.My heart, though battle worn is still hung on my sleeve though it is held on with barbwire..beaten and bleeding. Yet I will not give up the fight to be loved…as I should. You are loved..is all I can say..though words are not descript enough to say thank you for the time I was allowed in your life. It made be a better person. A light has been shown on many things and I keep seeing , because I was taught to see that at which I was looking. Robert A. Heinlein wrote a wonderful book ” Stranger in a strange land” the character “Groks”. “Grok means to understand so thoroughly that the observer becomes a part of the observed—to merge, blend, intermarry, lose identity in group experience. It means almost everything that we mean by religion, philosophy, and science—and it means as little to us (because of our Earthling assumptions) as color means to a blind man.” I was loved that.

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    • Always smiles. I think sometimes that we do hear, we just do not like what we are hearing….Perhaps it does not fit into the schematic we have planned for our lives. yet I have found the ease in quieting myself and hearing what is placed my way. It is not always the easiest thing to digest, yet it enables me capture the reality I have placed in my life and what another(s) actually thinks of me and is seeking.
      I have lost the desire for acceptance and to be approved from what another thinks of me. My eyes are heavenward..might be why I keep bumping into things…:)
      I know I am loved..and I am reminded through your gracious words everyday. Thank you friend…you too helped me seek higher ground, raise the bar, and you helped me put ice on the bruises from my bumps of looking heavenward and believing…finally..that love does change the world…it has indeed changed me…

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