Day 11…Create….

Ahhhhh…..create….

I have been creating all along this journey….

Yet I want to include you in on a few..maybe more of some of mine..to let you know…even the littlest thing one does..is creating..the step forward…the healing…

So today..I made Pasta Salad….the weather as not quite there for it…but it was tasty enough…and as I go to Orthodox class tonight..yes I said orthodox class….my soup I am making will simmer away and be a welcome warmth…when I arrive home…

Here is the Pasta Salad..made with bacon..because one can seem to find a plethora of bacon lately..it is a hot item to use in your cooking…

Yes I know..yummy….and slightly different with bacon….

The reason I posted about the pasta salad..is what I stated earlier…the cooking was soothing..it gave me time to move my glance in another direction..see things colored another way…and cooking…experimenting…trying new ways..always heals something…..

And it leads me into taking the Orthodox classes….

I am Italian…Irish..favor my mother greatly..so much so that my father spent the most of his time trying to extinguish my life..because I was the replica of the woman he hated….just a little background…

I was raised Roman Catholic and I am very fond of my religion..or what I like to call..my tradition…

Being in that atmosphere helped me..and I can only speak for me..the man behind the curtain..the ornate vessels…it made me realize I could approach God…God was not the man with the big stick in his hand…God was the one I talked too..who whispered to me..who put the thoughts in my head…who made me smile….

As an adult..in my marriage I was made to go to Baptist church….all well and good..but the ones I was forced to attend..supported violence against women..and in my travels after my divorce..I have not discovered a church which does not call for submission of a man to a woman..no matter how stupid..excuse me..the man is acting..

I never went for the fire and brimstone theme either…it was not the God who cared for me…not in any form..shape or matter…

I did not need to know how to live..sermons..I already knew that..I simply had to listen to my heart…something everyone can do…and for some..hearing that heart..was a mighty big task of uncovering…

And I was always concerned onto the point..that if I did not know how to live outside of that church..how would I know inside that church..and why was the guidance of another needed..when I had all the tools I needed right in front of me…

You do too..go look in the mirror..you will see them…

Church is a gathering…a haven…a place to bring others notice of your cause..your thoughts..joys..hurts..needs…

It was a place to be safe from this world…and to give proper reverence to the Creator…

The creation part is another subject and honestly I could write a thesis on that..I never got that part…all I needed to know..was this…I was made..created….how it came about..is really nothing much for me to spend a lot of time on..all I know is this..a being with great love..great heart…made me…and that is enough..

So a little bit ago…on a day when the pain level was through the roof..would pay anyone to rip out my spine…I went and visited a church…took a church tour….

And I learned more in that hour..than in all my years of Sunday school…church attendance and the Bible thumping I have received….

I wrote a piece earlier about faith..how it is caught..not taught….I learned that there..

I learned that a church should be a haven…not a social networking site…

Not to see who has the best legs in the shortest skirt….

Drives the best car…or who can be the rudest to the servers in the restaurants one visits after church….

Or can you pick out the husband who just called his wife filthy names as he pulls into the parking lot…

Yeah…church is not that…yet that is what a lot of them have become….

I met eyes with a priest..who did not tell me I should put on tighter jeans…if I was going to catch a man….

I did not meet a man..posing as a pastor..who told my now ex husband to beat me harder..and I would straighten out…

I met kindness…acceptance..hope…and love..something I have yet to find in any church I have crossed over the threshold before…

I finally get…connect the dots…to those feelings…thoughts…and hope was restored…

And over the days that followed…restoration began….

Yes I still have Parkinson’s..and it is worse..Pneumonia is still kicking my butt around the road..and I have added a card to my wallet which says…”I am not intoxicated…I have Parkinson’s..please assist me…”

My spinal damage is worse than ever…yet I woke up this morning….

All this leads me to this…

Visit to a church…spirit in questions…sewing..teaching….asking questions…signed up for a class…

And again…I have hope…I have a haven…I do not have to accept lies..or be manhandled…and as soon as I saw that..God showed me a way out…

And part of that out..was something I tried a number of years back…Law…something I get very well…and I am supposed to be there…

Our country..our people need voices that are willing to go to the wall for another..something which is becoming a lost art form for us…

And I am not doing it because..well I am sick…I have always been this way…even stuck by my kids..lied for them..when they were throwing me across the room….even made quilts for all the women my husband had sex with..yeah..right up there in my stupid list…but not to God..God said use more wisdom this time…and I do…

I am doing this..because I know what having “no voice” is like..having nothing…being made to eat off a floor your father just urinated on…

Or having no care for the broken jaw..bones…no shelter..no food…

And in conclusion..I am stuck on a point…

I do this for me..and the others..who have the right to the “pursuit of happiness”….it was not just a random thought our forefathers had…I deserve the pursuit..to try and find it…yet I do not deserve..those who will not allow me to have the pursuit…who feel rights are not mine…who create conditions..disparities in our society that never even allow for that option to present itself….and that pisses me off…

So I prepare…to take the LSAT…I did real good the last time….I read and read..and dissect and tear apart everything..I study the law…our documents which make this nation….

I am thinking..it is time for a revolution…at least from where I am sitting….I aint got nothing to prove….no story or life which must be condoned by some committee that has no idea what it has been like to live my life….

I am here..to take back..which was taken from me a long time ago…I figure…it is time…and the only thing I lose by sitting here…is more of my life..and that..is no longer an option….

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~ by HopeGlenn on October 1, 2012.

One Response to “Day 11…Create….”

  1. Very good info. Lucky me I found your blog by accident (stumbleupon).
    I have bookmarked it for later!

    Like

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