Day Five…Create…

This day of creating is about a word I discovered…

A common word..one tossed around a bit…and to be honest..I just latched onto the meaning today…

FAITH….

I heard another say today the word Faith…and another asked what was meant by that word…and I had a quick answer in my head…because I thought..everyone knows what Faith means…and then I realized…it was something I just really felt and knew what is was..right that moment…

I have had many experiences to test my faith…and I thought I had acquired it through..teaching..life experiences..it had been fine tuned with the many bumps and bubbles about my path…

And in all honesty..I am proud of my faith..proud that through all the (excuse the pun) beatings I have received to turn to another direction…walk on the dark side…I have never abandoned my faith…the problem..or tilting of my blond head..has arisen from the lack of faith I had in me…and the faith I had set in others…

The person speaking today..said this…”compare faith to a candle flame….faith cannot be taught…but it can be caught…and the flame being ignited..and burning is the consistency…the faith…

And BOOM…it all made sense…and it made me speak in my voice..when I had been mocked…

I have always believed..and that is another hard word…I always believed(and my choice of word is God)…I always knew the best was there for me…always and always…

Yet I did not believe I deserved the best..and I am not talking about fine cars..big houses..and lavish food…

I am talking about…kindness..decency…trust…love…and that word pinches when I say that…

And because of that lack of faith in me..and in all honesty..lack of believing…I brought evil into my life…

I trusted another voice…not that still..deep voice…moving through me…and my faith…or lack thereof..brought me the works of my hands…karma..reap what you sow…whatever name you call it…

And today..I turned away from that..and Created…faith…I caught it..and grabbed it close..and let nothing and no one color it….

And I started anew…not believing that I am stuck…or have to take this…

I can truly say…that as my spine is falling apart..and pneumonia is chipping away at my lungs…and Parkinson’s is really demanding my attention….and it looks like there is no place left to go but down…I got my faith back..

I took it from the hands of those who want me to believe lies…and seriously…just want to be bitter..unhappy piles of garbage…

I started all over again..at the cusp of fifty..and it is not to far off…never too late to start the course again…start over..learn something..never too late…

I caught it…like the words said today…it is lit like a flame..burning…burning…

All I know..is this…simple…no more time to play in the sandbox..making sure this person or that person likes me..nah..they can stay there…

I am here to do something….create…be a voice…teach…faith…

It took me looking square in the eyes…the actions of my hands..my decisions…

And little did it know..or have an inkling…that the switch…had been turned on…

Faith…FAith…FAIth…FAITh…FAITH….

That is what I created today……

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~ by HopeGlenn on September 22, 2012.

3 Responses to “Day Five…Create…”

  1. Dear Ms. Carroll: I absolutely had to share you blog with my facebook network of friends and survivors. I’ve read the first few pages of Hope Glenn’s book and was wondering if this is a survivor you promote or if in fact this is your story? You’ve lived a life so patterned to my own. We are taught at a very young age how to get through our days by destroying ourselves, hiding what has been, and now finally we are finding our way through the brokeness and rebuilding our strength through our voices. I would love to have you as a guest on the Dreamcatchers Talk Radio show for October. If your schedule will permit this please connect with me. I’d love to have the opportunity to speak with you about your incredible journey.
    With you in spirit and walking this path,
    Thank you for sharing your hope, inspiration, and truth of being through each post.
    Trish McKnight

    Like

    • Hi,
      The book is the accounting of my life. It is indeed my story.
      I have found many..too many can relate to my life.
      As I create I have healed and unearthed the little girl tucked away.
      I would find it an honor to be participating in the radio show.
      And thank you for sharing the blog.
      Mandy Carroll
      aka..Hope Glenn
      Hope (is something I have always had) Glenn( for my brother who was murdered.
      Hope Glenn

      Like

  2. Hey, glad to see the , wonderful self discovery, continues and your writing. Wonderful to catch , that you could be on the airwaves. If Ms McKnights show is on the net or it is on Pod cast …love to know and please , send a message when you would be on…love to listen in. ps Hugs..smile

    Like

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