Day One…Create…

Today is the first day of my new and favorite adventure….

Create something every day…

Since I am battling Parkinson’s disease and pneumonia has decided to be my companion now for three weeks..striking on four…I have had to divert my attention into that arena…

And as my energy has been depleted..fevers have skyrocketed…coughs have now ensued..and my spine has begged to be torn out…really…I found myself spiraling a bit..in a direction I had no desire to be in..and I was forgetting…

I was forgetting my purpose here..and it sure aint the beauty queen..or the leave it to Beaver mother role…it was this crazy voice..

And it would be heard through words on paper..paints scattered upon canvas..color dots on paper to create light and dark..fuzzy fabrics used to create quilts..and blankets to wrap around oneself..and sewing garments that rivaled fashion designers…

And I have decided that on my first day of creating..I would create a truth inside of me…

Something we know is inside of us..whether we have been living a life of dark or a life of light..it is there…like the” allspark” from the Transformers….

So I pulled down the box of fabrics..all cozy and colorful…brought each one up to my face…and imagined…and felt the life inside of them…I gathered them about me..on the floor..and made a picture of color and pattern…and felt something return to me..the fight…

The truth is..I am a fighter…funny..my father the abuser was a boxer…he liked to punch his children…and crazy in his actions he created me…a fighter..not one which lays hands on another to wound or inflict doubt…yet a fighter who will fight for the human soul..who refuses to believe we are lost and we do not know what love is…

But one who believes that no matter how dirty one looks..covered in the slime of the world..failed relationships..victim..bad credit…mother at 14…father at 15..thief..whatever…because the list goes on forever…there is still hope..there is still opportunity…even in the things I face…

I wish you could see the look in my eyes…see the truth I hold onto today…I tried to take a picture..but my hands shake too much from the tremors…Parkinson’s will not be my friend today…it is a fighter…

My truth..my creation today is this…I am a fighter…I have long fought for everyone else…and in some fashions that is a noble cause…but a little self abusive…because why would I fight for everyone else to have their light..and me..not allowed…

So I created the fight for me…to trust..the trust garnered at one..that trust…the trust to know..everything will be taken care of…and nothing and no one can take that away…

I have seen more miracles than the human psyche can sometimes handle…

And I am fighting..fighting to unearth..the little girl tucked away…I hear her voice louder now…

The crayons..markers are calling my name..and the wide sheet of paper is speaking…time to dance…

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~ by HopeGlenn on September 17, 2012.

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