I am trying real hard here….

I am trying really hard here…Trying to remember what it is I am to be doing here…

Why do I have to stay here…do I have to stay here…?

Am I allowed to venture outside of the coloring lines…?

Or do I have to stay in the position..this place..that puts my stomach in knots…?

Why do I make that step forward…and then tell myself it is not for me..it is always for another…?

I am sorting through my things..and I am telling myself..they do not matter…they have no significance to me…they have no right in my life…

Everyone else gets to have their stuff..their comfortable items..those items that make their eyes sparkle…but not me…

I get to have a blanket on the floor..and maybe something to eat if I make the “grade”…

But something tells me there is more to this life…than being scared..waiting for the next blow..not sleeping because your not safe…

All right or ready..I had enough of that in my childhood and in my marriage…

Fear that made you crazy…

Waiting for your number to be called…

Why has this become the method of living..for so so many…?

And why if we protest..we are labeled…

So here I am…reaching out..wondering if anyone else struggles with this…do you..?

Because it is the hardest thing in the world..to pack your life up into neat little boxes..and just start over..and forget that you love people…even the ones who wound you the most…

How does one step off the cliff..and know they will be good…and that they will not fall to the rocks below..broken…

How do I know..that living in solitude..risking my heart nowhere..being safe..is best..better…

Than… fighting like hell against abuse and hurt through the only vessel I have left…my voice..my words…?

How do I know that life will be any better..because I go silent..rather than fight like hell for what I know we all know what is right…?

Somebody has got to have an answer….

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~ by HopeGlenn on September 7, 2012.

2 Responses to “I am trying real hard here….”

  1. congratulations on your book..it will be an inspiration to others..

    Like

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