Browsing…

I have been browsing…looking through older stuff..people I have not seen in awhile..just browsing…

I think most of us have the tendency to meander our way through past events..thoughts..memories..when we are trying to settle ourselves..feel comfortable..with a new position..life..or thought about who we are..why are we here..am I ambling on the right path…?

I wanted to know..why I have felt unease..why I thought I was not contributing..why I was seeking approval..and to open my mouth and say that..is HUGE….because most of this life..has been about approval…the final statement of “do you like me”…”do I meet your requirements to be treated humanely”…?

And that is where I get stuck..why I look at certain things..why I meander down pathways which darken my thoughts…not about anyone else..but me…

Why I look in the mirror and think Burden…Issue…why I debate the pathway this soul has been directed upon..and think I need to be in the glitz..glamor..money rolling out of my pockets fame…

Maybe because everyone around me..is doing that…

Maybe because I see too many people exploiting what has happened…

Maybe because so many people I see..are trying so hard..in so many ways..to show how happy they are…yet after you get past their words and plastic smiles..you hear their anger and distaste of themselves ultimately…

There are some things..that cannot be changed..undone…convictions..thoughts..assumptions..that others will never stop doing or thinking…

You just have to decide..if you are going to play..roll with the punches..and spend anymore of this precious time..on pleasing people..who really have no clue..as to the wonderment of you..

Yes there are times..when the details of this world weighs us down..makes us sink into a hole of self doubt..and it is usually spiraled into thinking we are garbage and worthless..because we are trying to please some imaginary figure in my head…

The pursuit to be approved…to make sure I am the right size..saying the right things..working where everyone thinks I should work..sweetening up tragedy..so someone will listen..are truly a waste of my time…and in honesty..a direct violation of this person..forming myself for this world’s approval..

I cannot do it anymore…no matter what I do..or how I do it..it will not be right for too many…this world will continue to do the despicable acts it does…because it works..and until something does not work..nothing will change..and that does not necessarily mean…it changes to good..or in the right healing direction…and it is indeed sad…

The thing is..I have to go to the mirror everyday..I have to battle those thoughts and words…I have to believe the words written upon this heart..I must trust my actions…because I know each and every one..was done fully from the heart…and for that I can smile..because it was a choice…

Because I know this heart..I know what it is capable of..and that is where my trust lies..my hope..

Instead of a quote..a song..someone approving of me today…

I have to understand..feel.. that my hearts knows to do kind..light..good..truth..even if no one gives me..the stamp of approval…because most likely they will not…and it is time to step out of the fishbowl…..

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~ by HopeGlenn on July 15, 2012.

One Response to “Browsing…”

  1. Observe up the monumental hunk of process, I show handful points on this internet site also I deem that your net scene is rattling stimulating furthermore has places of splendid news.

    Like

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