When did I become the queen of accomodating…?

Did not sleep worth a hoot last night..by body slipping..turning..freezing…not wanting to accommodate this space…and me..trying to find a trick..a slight of hand..to fool my body into believing it does not have to malfunction..

Ooh I hate that word.. malfunction…it is like broken..something that needs to be fixed…and I do not think many things need to be fixed..least of all people..

But that is how I felt..malfunctioning..broken..as I eased my feet to the floor..and slipped them into slippers…you know the pink ones with flowers…

I pulled back the curtains..and touched the butterfly on the window..my touchstone…and read the words I have written in purple ink…my reminder..of what I really am..despite all that is happening around me…

To me..our bodies hurting..in disease..all are from some action..something we had to accommodate..and eventually it became a known..a sort of friend residing with us..and we are comfortable with it..even though we know..it is not right..like so many other things in this world..

Like..why have I spent ten years…just sort of living in my space..my home..continually preparing for it to be gone..taken away..?

Why have I held back from speaking about certain things..afraid of authorities..who in truth have no power..and let them decide how I must live and where…

Why do I let another make me feel bad..doubt my commitment..because I do not financially or physically support their cause…

Why do I think..I am less than..because I do not work the way another works..or makes your income…

Why do I doubt my position…my life having any value,,and indeed purpose..and education from the path I have walked…because I write about subjects that make others squirm…

Why have I accommodated my life..in belief..that everyone else knows better than me…?

Why have I said I have to go along for the ride..even though it makes me puke…?

Why am I not allowed to demand accountability..and that dreaded word fairness..?

Why am I doing the dance..accommodating my every step..thought..to ride along with the currents of this world..when I know..if I keep on that path..it will be like the horror movies..monster behind the door..with an ax…as you step backwards.. .

I found myself holding my breath…wanted to see..if I was accommodating…conceding enough..pleasing..damn if that is not the stupidest thing I have done all week…

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~ by HopeGlenn on July 11, 2012.

3 Responses to “When did I become the queen of accomodating…?”

  1. Next week will be better – participating in the dance of life should not require stepping on hot coals! (you didn’t hear this hear 1st)

    I have a name for myself when I need a kick – It is StupidHead 😉

    Like

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