Lights, Camera, Action….

“You never change something..by fighting the existing reality.

To change something..build a new model,

That makes the existing model obsolete.”

R. Buckminster Fuller

This is a quote that hangs by my desk..in my office..along with the poem Invictus..and a great quote by Michael J. Fox..

Every day..many times a day..as I reach for a book on the shelf or a file from the cabinet..and those are the things I see..

Lately the quote I just typed..has been poking me in the side..like a splinter..demanding and demanding my attention..and I think I just got it..

We all have realities in our lives..things we have become accustomed to..things we live with..because we think we have to…attitudes..people..situations..that we think are ours to deal with..

Kind of like every Friday night..you go to the same restaurant..or get a video and eat popcorn..not bad things..but more in the sense of patterns..a way of doing things and thinking it has to be done this way…

And the funny thing is this..it does not seem to work as well as it used to..even if it ever really worked..at all..

I went into my previous workplace the other night..and this reality hit me hardest..

I was looked at like some strange bug under a microscope..I was the odd man out..the last to be picked for the team..the one we all are resigned to having on our team..because we got the last choice..something we are stuck with…and I smile…

They were angry at me..for leaving..for throwing all caution to the wind..no idea what later that day would hold..yet going out the door nevertheless..

I broke the existing model..I did not like the reality being created..and changed it..and boy has it been a journey..and some are mighty angry..

They stood there..arms crossed..demanding to know my “condition”..and what the heck was I doing there..sarcasm dripped like squashed grapes..and I knew they were stuck..and they knew they were stuck…and I got where they were…

I had become so conditioned to believe..that..this..whatever it is..is reality..or it has to be the reality..and there are many times in our life when we have to live with the existing reality..yet there are more times than I can possibly count..where it does not have to be a reality..through a choice…

It is hard work..turns your world upside down..takes you to places you never thought you would encounter..and makes you fight to get your head out from under the water..and maybe..just maybe..you realize it is hard..or crazy..or fruity tooty..or impossible..

Because we have been conditioned to believe this …this thing is reality..

I believed my sons had the right to beat their mother..because are not mothers long suffering..the human shield..of no value when we have children..the life of the child over the mother..

I believed my ex was allowed to renege on the divorce decree..and take my house away..all because I was a woman..and I had been a homemaker for a long time..I did not deserve it..oh yes..and I spoke the truth about the animal I was married to..puts me..in this world’s eyes..at the top of the list for..”she gets nothing”…

I believed others had the right to tell me how to think..and tell me what I was feeling..and that places you alone..in the bottom of the bucket..no one has time for you..because you are uncooperative..the rebel..the odd one..

I believed I had to deal with this disease according to western medicine..which is more about drugging and harming people than about any form of care..I chose holistic methods..odd teas..and inner dealings..makes me the looney..who gets needles stuck in her..acupuncture…

So I have changed my existing reality..

I left a job..not knowing if food would be on my table later that day..yet deciding a moment of freedom was better than killing myself..by slave labor..

I ventured forth and wrote the book..which seemed like an eternity to write..yet was a second in time…

I told my sons..I was not the beating board..I was not their friend..I was their mother…big pill to swallow..and I actually became a better mother..over and over again..

I went to the courts..mortgage companies and fought like hell for my rights..my humanity..and claimed my house..

And know..not just believe..that there is a force..an entity..greater than my understanding has allowed me to step into..and I am just tapping into it..I have just breathed in a small..tendril of the sweetness of God..whatever name you give it…

I have sat with this disease..and have let it design my days..and give it admittance..it is a reality I can change in how I deal with it..slow it down..treat..through truth..what it really is..in all its colors..whether I like it or not…instead of making it a pretty show..with ribbons..and cute quotes..

I take my fears..my insecurities..and see where they come from..how they were formed..and focus on what I am to be doing here..what is my role my purpose…not the neighbors down the street..

I took the reality..presented to me..which is falling apart..and people are seeing that…and made my reality..the truth..despite the fact..others have told me it is not truth..or mine to have..

I cannot go forth..and many others cannot..until they look beyond..

The clown behind the curtain..shooting off fireworks..loud booms..and controlling the show..

Because there is always someone behind the curtain..creating an atmosphere..hoping you believe it..telling you what to see..and hoping you never figure out..it is all a show…

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~ by HopeGlenn on June 22, 2012.

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