Essence..Energy..Solidity..Connection..

I have wanted to disconnect from a energy..a force which enters my life..in random intervals..at least I think it is random..and sporadic..yet as I have discovered over the last few days..it is a continual strand..a essence and energy which will pervade my life..my thoughts..continually…

It has been a sad thought..this energy which is present..because it has loss in it..grief..an unexpected turn..lurch in a direction..I did not think it could go..yet I was there..now here..and instead of pushing it away..I embrace it..I see it come full circle..

We cannot..no matter how hard we try..we cannot separate from the energy..the essence..the connection which brought us forth..being a woman..makes it another dimension..another capsule..a constant..

I have wanted to disconnect from creations I have decided to bring forth..even though at one point it was a forced venture..I have wanted to deny all hope..light..energy..it held..because it was gone..or at least I thought it was gone..

It has not come back like a great big birthday present…and explosion out of the top of a cake…a parade float..it has been ever present..despite me thinking it was long gone..yet I realized its presence through a conversation..a gentle voice telling me of a connection which cannot be broken…

A connection I thought was severed..and it was not willingly severed..on my part..it became something I had to live with..something I had to make some sense of..despite the fact..it made no sense..

I began to wonder..why if I had been told one wanted nothing to do with me..why were they still around..making themselves visible in moments..and most of their time was spent in watching from a blocked off view..why were they still seeing me to make sure I was around…

And then it hit me..light bulb went off..and assistance came about through the gentle voice…

After one acts brashly..decides to do the impetuous acts gathered through lies and twisted conceptions…they falter..and have to discover for oneself..what is this…?…curiosity kicks in…and the channel of discovery opens up..

I had to allow dismantling…I had to allow life at its finest moments..layers peeled back..and binding ties real and made in one’s head to work their way out..piece by piece..and they did…

So I sit back..still protecting my physical body..yet letting my heart be wide open and able to be crushed again…because that is what love contains..the ability to be wise..discernment..yet allowing dismantling..falling on the rocky road..letting the children I created..carried within this body..break boundaries..see one from afar..and then peek up close..so they can figure this being out..all by themselves…

And no matter how hard I tried…I cannot disconnect from their souls..and neither can they..

Despite the fact..I may never stand next to them again..hear their voice..or spend another second involved in their life..

It is this life force they come from..no other..and one day..they will see the life they come from..the heart they come from..it cannot be denied..just like I cannot deny..they are mine..always will be..

It is the essence we feel..the energy flowing through us..the connection..which makes one solid..

And denying its existence..its force..is like denying you are alive..and you stand on shaky ground..

Suddenly the room has stopped spinning….and I got it…

Advertisements

~ by HopeGlenn on June 11, 2012.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

 
%d bloggers like this: