Intertwined…

This is part of that..this goes here..makes that go there..stop..pause..why is that there..intertwined..puzzle pieces..casserole..food touching other food..a big pot of soup…

Memories..words out of the mouth..body reactions..systems talking..suddenly..I am not an island..not alone..effecting something in another..

Oops someone got me..gets me..understands me..sees me..how did that happen..?

I think it is time for ice cream…chocolate..or pralines and cream..something filled with cream..fat..decadence..the one we rarely..if ever eat..because it may add to our thighs..increase our belly…make me jiggle when I walk…

After all..why not..?…the belly goes away when we lie down..really..and if I sit with grace..nothing jiggles..

Today I awoke..and tentatively placed my feet on the floor…I did not really want to get up..wanted to lie there..and pretend for a bit..all day if needed…but rarely are we allowed that luxury..rarely do we allow ourselves to see ourselves..

I made my way down the stairs..and let my feet hit the last step..and froze..tremors decided to do the internal shake..the next step..the progression..and I had to think for a moment..and see how did I want to feel…and was I going to tell anyone..or let them think I was doing fabulous..and in ways I am..

Fabulous..because I am doing something..trusting it..living it..finally..and I am knowing every second of it is right..right on track..and I get why this universe..has allowed things to happen in the steps they have..

It has made me focus..pursue..concentrate..trust..feel..and damned if I aint living…

There is this incredible energy in me..a driving force.. a real voice..telling me things I only thought privileged others heard..

It is good how I have decided to handle this disease..Parkinson’s..and the other ailments..neurological issues within this frame..it may not be the first thought or plan of action..but it is mine..and it helps me grasp things with my hand better..and use the left side more..when the right is weak..

It lets me walk..slower..even see more than I have before..

It lets me step full into the position of artist…and that covers..legions of gifts..

And I am glad someone got me..sees me..because I have been hiding…a little less day by day..sometimes in moments..

I am glad I was able to step out of my bubble of belief..thoughts…words stuck in my head..to actually hear positive words..and not knock them down..or brush it away as if I had no significance..

I am glad I was able to put the puzzle pieces together..eat the casserole all at once..not separate things..words like food not touching on the plate..and have this moment of actually saying and knowing..it is good..

Squash growing huge..with orange flowers adorning their path…zucchini green like emeralds..and I have found jewels..potatoes leaning..pushing up the earth..blue skies winking from behind the fluffy clouds…

Curtains billowing in the breeze..dancing because I cannot..

Birds sitting close by as I attempt to drink coffee..on queasy day stomach..shaking hands..leg acting up..and figuring out how to whistle..

Feeling alive..hearing the words..acknowledgement…like getting a gift..letting it sink in..and then deciding it is time to share…pass it along..pay it forward…

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~ by HopeGlenn on June 7, 2012.

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