Are the toads loud…or is it just me….?

I sit here at this keyboard..after a pause…a vacation..a standstill…I had not requested..or for that matter..had  seen coming…

Parkinson’s decided it was the star of the show this week…and the other mystery illness’s that hold occupancy within this frame..and I have no name for…they commanded full on attention..and when it comes a calling…you have to open the door..pick up the phone..and give it the attention it requires…because ignoring..pretending..covering it in chocolate..and putting on the rose colored glasses..serves no purpose than to injure this person..facing this disease…

As I write this tonight..there is a symphony of toads..frogs..just outside my office window..night after night they have serenaded me with tunes..and as each evening has progressed from dusk to utter darkness…they have become louder..and louder…

And it was not until today…that I realized..had the acknowledgement of why it was louder and louder and louder…

The toads like the illness I face…wait on nothing..it does as it pleases and leaves you to deal with the happenings..through whatever mechanism one has available to them presently…it has decided..it needs you to see something..experience something..take something onto oneself..and make friends with it…and so I must..

The toads made me see…the abundance surrounding me..which is hard to do..because my head has been bowed for the last few days..with the carrying of this disease and the actions of misfiring within my body..arms locking..legs captivated in rigidity..pulsating reminders through swollen hands..aching shoulders..and my feet glued to the floor..when I could swear five seconds ago..I knew how to walk…

Yet the constant barrage..the demanding of the toads and frogs to hear them..made me raise my head..made me see the skyline in pink and grey..with what looked like a threaten of rain…the frogs..the toads and their chorus..made me pick up my tea..open the door..and sit on the steps..and pause..and for a time..not be dealing with all that ails me..

They reminded me..I have something to do here…even if it serves only me..even if I am the only one who gets these musings upon the page…

They have reminded me..to sit..to cry..to pull the books off the shelf..which describe this disease..and know..I am normal…I am moving forward..and this is my companion..

To remember to smile…to say..today is a mighty..mighty day…and in this pause..to think..”why are the toads so loud…?”..I heal a space..I make peace..I stand a little straighter..I am honest..with myself…and I tell another I love you…

Because without those words…I could not go on…and loving is something..I can still do…always…

Advertisements

~ by HopeGlenn on May 29, 2012.

2 Responses to “Are the toads loud…or is it just me….?”

  1. This has made me cry and pray for you.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

 
%d bloggers like this: