Results…

Results…

Consequences..

Reap What You Sow…

Karma…

Each of these words..phrases… carry similar meaning and are quite close in definition..and they tend to scare..alert the senses…and they each hold vastly different definitions..thoughts..from one person to the next..

Our lives are filled with moment to moment results…consequences..and in my eye..my thought..it results in reap what you sow..and karma..

I stand here today looking at the results of near fifty years..of what I have just discovered..was fighting like hell for myself…something we are told to do..yet most really do not like it when we do..fight for ourselves…

I demanded as a young child..the right to not be hurt..food..clothing..and to be taught or allowed basic human needs… drink..food..shelter..safety…it was not given..so I fought for it…

As a young person..scattered from foster home to foster home..and then returned to my father…I fought for my own body..to not be harmed..and nobody’s toy…I lost that battle..yet won the war..by living on the streets…

As a married woman..fighting similar..if not exact battles of my childhood…I learned once again..to fight for myself…and it was not until I sought to find out what this universe..the God I defined..saw and felt about me..that the battle was in idle..till I grasped my identity…my purpose..and it was not a punching bag to a man and four sons..

As a divorced woman..for now over a decade…I again find myself in life..with results..consequences..me..reaping what I sow…and I find this smile across my face…

I have found those battles I fought..brought me to enter the war..and come out..through the war..as a victor..one swathed in happiness…and I found that those huge battles I fought..prepared me for these things which have entered my life..and I would have sworn..they would swallow me up…

And all the pushes..pokes..putting one’s foot out..so one will trip…all have made me see what is happening..and that is the greatest victory..the greatest touchdown dance ever…

And I could list..till one told me to be quiet..shut up..all the miracles…vastness of riches from my choice to enter the battle…my choice to stick with light…blinding at times..and dim like a flashlight bulb holding onto its last flicker…

I have no words to describe where I sit today…no way I can describe..how this makes no sense..how I should not be here..breathing..

I face many things..and I hope to dream them away..like most of us…wanting the adversity to pass..somewhere off down the line..

But I say this…because I have had a few things step onto the playing field and want my time…think about our words…think about what we invest in..think about our thoughts…and how those will implicate in one’s life..and they will…

Because those thoughts..become words..become action..become habit..become lifestyle…

And I do not know about you…but I am tired of being pushed under in the deep end of the pool..trying to have my toes reach bottom..knowing I was just not good enough…keeping my nose above water..to breath..

It is time to be in the shallow end…with the water swishing about the legs…and feeling the sun on your back and shoulders..and making your nose turn pink..feet steady..and this time wearing the bathing suit…that shows the fact I have had children..I am older..and not covering up the scars…that one..and it is pink…

Choice..I chose to fight…I chose to stay on task…I chose and this universe..has brought forth the results of my choices…and it feels good..and I am proud of me…and want you to be proud of you…

It is time to get out of the deep end…and go to the shallow end..and show everyone that smile…and guess what…? …they have great floats…air filled life preservers…just in case the journey gets bumpy…

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~ by HopeGlenn on May 17, 2012.

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