I really never knew….

I love days like today..they make me smile so..that my face hurts..I find myself humming…and sliding across the floor in my socks…it is like being a kid again…and feeling the lightness of life…and being wrapped in beauty…

I awoke to blue skies..sunshine and birds a twittering…I slept last night..and well..something I do not do often…too many things swirl in my head..negative thoughts..designs..and the cycle of “how to’s ” go round and round…

As the day progressed..the skies began to darken and ominous grey blue clouds rolled in..birds became quieter..and I watched the new mommy cardinal scuttling her new brood back into the rose bushes she calls home…The house gained shadows…and the curtains danced as the winds decided to swirl about my home…before the rains began..I opened my front door and saw the scuttle of leaves..branches bending..and flowers tucking in…and I smiled..because it was going to be a big one..transforming…and I was ready…and waiting like a kid..eating a Popsicle and licking the sticky goodness on her fingers…

The heavens opened up..and my need to go to the grocery store dissipated and was replaced with the need to sit..stare..watch..and listen…

I planted myself right in front of the long window..curtains dancing..and rain slicing into the ground..a few plops hit me on my feet as I had them propped on the windowsill..and the curtains got splashed..but I thought..”everything is washable”..and continued to stare into the sky and feeling the final click..adjustment into me…and honestly believed this storm was just for me..

Maybe it was and maybe it was not..we need rain here..it has been two weeks without..and the grass is slightly parched…but my garden is growing like it is on steroids…so the sun has been good…and I ramble on..but truly have a point..

On Wednesday I saw an acupuncturist..she listened..did not write notes..and gave me her undivided attention…odd coming from healers/medical personnel..but I was told she was unique..and I was up for a new view..I had just been so smothered by this disease..wracking pain..and mental distress..I was unable to formulate any positive energy..or really not able to see anything except through muddy waters…that is what chronic pain..chronic illness..chronic disease does to a person…

Little of me..except my soul and heart were visible..when all I could do was dealing with the pain..and the disastrous aftershocks of it…things become distorted..not like your crazy..but they have a razor edge to them…one expects the worse…and minute items become giants with snarling..drooling teeth…moments pass where there is relief..yet they are usually through pain pills or alcohol..and is that not just the most fun to bounce back from..?

So I lay on the table and put my trust in myself..and believed that I had made the right choice…and allowed another to help me in healing..relief..comfort..and smoothing out the lines..

Within five minutes pain was gone..nausea vacated..and the screaming headache which plagues me vanished..and I do mean vanished..and within seconds..I was asleep and hopefully drooling…

After leaving..staggering my way out..drunk from total bliss…I felt like King Kong had jumped off my shoulders and was scurrying up the mountains to find refuge…I melted into my seat..and managed after a time of stillness to get myself home…

And something huge happened..at least for me…I was released..I was given the “get out of jail free” card…suddenly I could see things that had been distorted..like looking through the circus mirrors..into a deep sea of blue..calm..nothing scary…

And for some it may be odd..and they do not get it…but pain relief is magical..pain relief that uses your body’s natural dynamics..your core engaged..is magic..and I fall short of words to describe what was enacted in a short period of time for me…and I believe a few others…I saw what was actually happening..I felt the real emotions…I saw people and things for what they were…and that is magical..

So perhaps to that person..hunched in the chair..or the one who rarely smiles..walks slower…is negative..perhaps show them a bit of grace…a bit of mercy…pain is crushing..and making it through the next five seconds is all one can do…perhaps in telling them to smile..and bear it with a smile…perhaps you can open a door for them..crack the window…hold their hand..stroke their cheek..human kindness…and let them know there is a way through this..there is..I just had to have someone point me in that direction..because honestly..I thought that was my path..pain…

So as I sit and watch the rain fall..hear a rumble or two in the air..I smile..and it is goofy…because I can turn my neck without pain…and my spine is not on fire..it is only sore because I dug in the ground yesterday…and it is the fourth day I have not awoken with a headache..and I am hungry…

So I slide across the floor…and think how cool is this…everyone deserves this…we all deserve to understand and grasp..even momentarily…what amazing beings we are…and keep heading in the right direction…

Full steam ahead..would you expect any less of me….?

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~ by HopeGlenn on May 5, 2012.

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