Holiday..special occasion…just another day..?

I did something odd today..or different then I usually do..and even think…I became selfish….

That word used to make me made me feel that everything I was doing was wrong…and everyone was agreeing with me..that I was doing..speaking..and thinking wrong..

And perhaps there are some who will think that…and is okay…it does not reflect on me..simply them and their thoughts..and I have to give everyone their thoughts and perceptions..however they are formed..

This blog has been my visible..journal..I have chronicled my understandings as I have come to a place focused on healing in my life…and I think I have had the courage to say words and thoughts many do not like to admit are inside of them..and here I am..blurting them out like a science equation..I just got…

There is a “holiday” fast approaching…a holiday I never really got..but that is another point for another day..Mother’s Day is approaching in a little over a week…I have never cared for it..because it was never a celebration for was never a reason to smile..I grew up without a mother..and did not have the faintest clue what a mother oldest sister was in many ways my she was placed in that role by my father…a child taking on an adult role…

When I was about to be a mother..I panicked…I was young..young…and I had no role was at this point I reached inside to myself and trusted what I was telling myself…I became selfish…and I was and am a good is not even a debatable point in my life…and no one has any bearing of thought on the matter…it is time we as women admit..mainly to ourselves that we are good souls..and stop comparing ourselves to the ones that choose to not be good parents..and this applies to me..there are many good fathers out parent land…and there are some not so is the same view from both sides of the gender fence…

Mother’s Day really is about the children..perhaps you will get flowers or a gift…which makes moments very worthwhile..but you go and eat where the children can matter what age they are..if children are grown and away..a perfunctory card is given..and the mother is left to find a place to eat..if she can make it okay…rarely on this day..will she do what she wants..eats where she wants..gets something that she wants…those things are only meant for Christmas, birthdays…you know special occasions….and I have to smile..

Because Mother’s Day is a special occasion…yes I admit we have overworked it and made it right up there with the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade…I got that..but in all the hoopla and the great show..we neglect the mother..and the same works for Father’s applies to both…

We spend very little time thinking what a mother does..and we give it little attention…focus and thought..we give a card..a kiss on the cheek..and then go about our day..thinking we have taken care of the issue…yet I propose something else..

Do we dare to sit with our mother’s..even the ones we disagree with..or been told lies about…or the ones we love madly…can we sit with them..and hear what goes on inside of these minds…?…Can we even do the same for the father’s…?

Can we hear..the concern and worry that travels through our being..our mother…do we listen to her go on and on about something that bothers her..enters into her concern…can we give her attention..without the phone..text messaging..and I will be there in a bit…can we actually be with our mother..can we hear her..and can we allow her to tell us what she wants..just for this day…even if it makes us pinch..and squirm…?

I do not have my mother with me..she died about a year ago…I never knew her growing up..only in pieces and memories in my head…and as time moves forward..and I face this disease..I wonder how many of those memories I have lost…

Our matter what circumstances are not replaceable…I agree..if you have a bad apple..then release her to the universe..and let God deal with it..or your belief system..yet hope they find something worth being…something of life…and before we write off our mothers..and even our fathers..because someone has told us their angry..distorted tale…try and hear your mother..your father…and I think you may discover there is someone there you never knew existed…yet perhaps in the vast memory banks you remember who she is…and that will be a gift…

It is almost Mother’s Day…and I am a mother..a good one…and I am going to be selfish…and ask for what I want…and something tells me…I will get the blessing of this role..this position…it will be new…but then I am always up for an adventure…what about you..?


~ by HopeGlenn on May 4, 2012.

One Response to “Holiday..special occasion…just another day..?”

  1. Dear Mandy.

    I’m in heartfelt tears again after reading your blog.
    I love this. Thank you.
    What will you be giving yourself or did I not read properly?
    I think I understand what you are doing and have given yourself.
    I think that we have the gift of great insight too.


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