It is Monday…and a gnarly one at that…

It is Monday…cloudy..overcast..and a new pressure system has moved in..and for the first time in a long time..it feels like a Monday..

I start most days..in prayer..to my belief system..thankful I have awoken..and brought this far…despite all the bumps..lurches..and oops…and today is no different…I looked forward to the days activities…laundry…dishes…and hopefully throw in a little creativity in spots and moments…a normal..or somewhat normal Monday…

I opened my email..visited my favorite social sites..and was hit square in the eyes..with something..well stupid…and it goes like this..

If you pushed me..wounded me..said horrible things to me…I am grateful..because you made me the person I am today…

Is it me..or is this pure insanity…?..do we actually believe that we could not have CHOSEN to be a good person..without someone knocking us around the room…? speaking vile words to us because dinner was chicken instead of beef…or…breaking our ribs because we had no money to buy our child an I-Pod…?

I find it pure genius..those who proliferated the view into our society that without this..this horror..I could not have chosen a better way..that the only capability we have is to be abused and then we can figure out how to be a person..a human with character and accountability…

And how we send out the message that is anything goes wrong..it is a woman’s fault…she is not cooperative…and has no clue how to operate unless a man is directing her path..and throw in a little abuse..a punch to the head..and she will figure out how to do this thing called life….

Perhaps..and I do not want anyone to break into a sweat…or take accountability for themselves…

The insanity..the annihilation of oneself to believe..that their being would have no clue on being formed…that without my father knocking me around a room..starving his children…whatever struck his fancy…without abuse…without that I would have no clue..and you want me to be grateful to him..to my ex-husband..for what..? them choosing to wound..inflict pain on anyone who came within five feet of them..? this cannot be serious…

Being abused had no character building aspect in my life..it did not make me…is simply showed me what I did not want to do..it showed me the filth that permeates in our world..and this epidemic of abuse and no accountability is stronger than it ever was…

I CHOSE..just like everyone CHOOSES everyday to do and be what they are…I CHOOSE to have accountability..and stand behind those choices…If I make a mistake..which I do a lot..I take accountability…and if I wound another..I heal that wound…yet I choose to ensure that I think about my action..and what it will do..to me..and to others…

Yet I will not feed into the myth..the garbage that says..as a woman..or perhaps a child..that without abuse..crimes committed against me..I would have no idea..no direction…

It is that belief..that idiocy in thinking which allows one to walk right back into the arms of abuse..to continue the cycle…because what is the best way to get someone to do what you want them to do..annihilate them..make them believe they are faulty..that they need your assistance..simply to breath…

So I stand here..on the brink of fifty…choosing to be who I am today…and may I be so bold as to say..I Love Me…I really like the woman I see in the mirror..I am at peace with my choices…I do not believe I am weaker..lacking…

I believe something different…I am thankful for those who have journeyed on my path..to help me lift my eyes up…yet I hold no thanks..no gratitude..to those who thought punches were the best route to go…I have CHOSEN..and will continue to CHOOSE light over dark…good over bad..because I knew the difference the moment I came into life…no one had to teach me…I take full accountability for my life..my decisions..even the ones I made with faulty information..beliefs I held that I was garbage…

Laugh at me..scorn me…and yes it will hurt..because I have a heart I have chosen to operate with…yet I will not sit in the mud puddle I did not create..the mud puddle of your choices…I will sit with me and smile..and be proud of my choices…and I know a few who think the same way…

I just have the courage to say it…I have gone through the fire..I found a way through the insanity..the hate…and discovered me..and every second of going against the flow is worth it..even today…because I threw away the illusion and I gained reality..and happiness…not colored in by another..but by me…and again I smile….

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~ by HopeGlenn on April 30, 2012.

One Response to “It is Monday…and a gnarly one at that…”

  1. Wow! Well said and done Mandy.
    I am choked up and feel even more proud
    of you.

    Like

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