Will it ever stop raining…?

The skies are in a rage today…thundering booms and bright shocks of light fill the air…

I feel like I am cast in a movie about the gods..and the battle to conquer the universe…funny..no one mentioned this was to be my day…

As my hand rests upon the keyboard..a boom shatters the raindrops tittering down the window in my office….and a flash of light etches across the window…and my internet blinks..gathers itself..and winces pulling back..awaiting the next thunderous roar to fill the skies….

Storms have been coming…and coming..and coming where I live..they give no warning..no thought..no concern to the windows opened..lawn furniture airing out from the winter sleep…or the clothes drying in the spring breeze..

Life..lately has been like this…sudden..no warning…and boom..there one is sitting in something they thought they might have a ten second warning about…but it seems no one has had warning and we are all sitting here wringing out our shirts…glancing up to the skies..wonder in our eyes..as one attempts to piece together their day..and figure out how to get the musty damp smell out of the chair…

Today is my day to ramble…it has been too many days of trying to remain  focused..with calculated ten second breathing intervals..to make the pain..the revolution going on inside my body…back up..give me pause…but it has been relentless..it pounds on me..like this rain and thunder pound upon this ground..reminding me..who is boss..who will direct..what this course will be…

I had given up last night…threw it all out the door…you do not tell people that feeling too often..you tell them it has been a challenging day..and you are eating chocolate and being grateful…you do not tell them the truth..because this is when people come..take you away..and keep you alive according to their design..their vision…and remind you how grateful one should be..shame on me huh….

You do not tell them..this has been a long journey..and you are done..want to rest..and stop plugging away..being the strong one..so everyone in the room can do their thing..fall apart..go away…you get to be the one that sticks around..cleans the dishes..makes everything look and feel right..while others do…and you must be proud of their opportunity..the life they get to live..

It is a tough..to say the least..spot to be in as one like me..faces a disease and a list of unknowns…as my neck makes crunchy sounds…and my spine feels like someone has twisted it in an eternal knot…

And I sit..and look out the window..like many others..moment by moment…wishing that this rain would stop…the sun would shine high and hot…and I could walk..and not later have to dose myself up on medications for doing something they say is good for me..will help…

I am as angry as the skies are today…I do not want to do this anymore…I want to be sad…and I do not want to explain…not another time…


~ by HopeGlenn on April 26, 2012.

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