Temperature Change…..

The temperature changed drastically overnight in this town I live in…dark clouds arrived..winds whipped and blew the leaves off the trees..storms rolled in and washed away any remnants of the past day…

I awoke this morning early..partly due to the fact that I thought I could see my breathe poking out from under the covers…there was a chill in the air..one that needed an electric blanket to heat the expanse of the bed…

I lay still for a moment and looked out the curtains and saw the wind move through the tall trees…the wind kept coming and coming…bending and stretching the branches..and suddenly it hit me..change..temperature change..attitude change..pretty scary…but oddly amusing and down right exciting….

I have been in this one space..this house for close to twelve years..I have lived with and witnessed the changes happening around me..and to be honest not been a participant..it is not till I am away from “my ” space..that I am able to see things from a different perspective…

I think great, lofty thoughts and designs run through my mind like a stream or sometimes like a crazy roller coaster…and I am astounded that all those ideas…thoughts..happenings are within me..and what happens to them when I get home..in “my” space..? why do they go away..?

I have thought a certain way..lived a certain life..colored within the lines for a good bit of time..sort of had to..I was learning how to live..before it was simply survival…now it became life…a new role..new players..actors..and now I saw a new landscape…

At first I thought..there was no way possible for me to ever leave here…all the what ifs..kept popping up…what if this disease gets worse..guess what it is degenerative and it will get worse..so perhaps I should be somewhere that suits me physically and mentally to deal with it on my best footing…imagine that…

What if I do not have enough money..?..or it does not come in the traditional manner…?..what if…?…I have never been traditional..nor done things in a normal way..and have had miracles happen like rain showers..so why should this be any different..?

The thoughts I have carried..my description of self..what I think I am capable of..what I think I am to be doing..all are based on me being here..and they have gotten kind of boxy…to be honest..I have limited me to a simple description and I wonder what is there of me that I am missing..? because I am missing it..

There are interests of mine..pieces of me that have been tucked away since I was a little girl…and I think…would I see them if I was not here in this space..? would I think different about me..this disease..the abuse issues…my appearance..would I operate differently..if I was not here..not in lock down..not in solitary….and I know I would..

I can feel it like the winds I watched this morning…the winds I can see as I glance up from this keyboard and catch the trees bending…swaying..catching my eye..beckoning me…

I can feel it as I look at fabrics this morning and the thoughts of creations are not as congested..because I have noticed that I can be somewhere else..think different..do something different..than this place…I have allowed myself to step into the realm of my heart…amazing..and wow….

I can feel it as I prepare to go walk in the rain…yes I will get wet..and may have to battle the winds with my stride..but I stepped out and did something different…and I thought different..and maybe..just maybe my own thought..and a hot bath with bubbles will chase away any ills…

For a moment..step out through that doorway and keep it a bit open..look at the sky and all around you and think of seeing you with new eyes…think possibly that maybe you have formed this description of you through what has been surrounding you for a long time..maybe..there is something different…

And maybe today…you do not step out the door..but you open a window…and leave the door open a crack…and let something new and delightful seep in…

I am excited..I believe I can be where my soul smiles..I am on pins and needles..because I thought this simple thought..

I wonder..if I am not in this space…and maybe another…who would I be..how different would I think…and I am I willing to find that out…am I…?

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~ by HopeGlenn on April 23, 2012.

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